should I go or should I stay?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:50am |
Hi,
I have been married for about one year now and I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter. Before my husband and I got married, we knew each other for about 2 years and we've had a rocky time from the start. My family never approved of the relationship and continues to pressure me to leave. A number of reasons make them feel this way, from his past drinking problems, to his possible violent temper, to the large age gap of 20 years. My family only wants to protect me and my daughter and feel that we would be much better off without him. He has not hit me or hurt my daughter, however, sometimes his temper gets way over the edge and at times it becomes scary.
I still can't make up my mind on whether to go or stay. I find that whenever he is normal, calm, happy, doing things around the house, going to the store, etc. he's fine and I consider staying. But when he gets angry and starts yelling I think about leaving. I begin wondering if maybe he can get better, but the past says otherwise and he's so stubborn that he doesn't want to change.
I feel like I can't leave, maybe I could if he was angry all the time. I figure he wouldn't really stop me, but he might stop me from taking my daughter with me. He's mentioned on several occasions during fights that because he's got a full time job that he'd get custody, and he's not going to be a "weekend-dad". I'm going to college and I'm not off for the summer and I'm not working at the moment.
When he's happy, gone to work, and stuff I feel like leaving would be like the ultimate betrayal. I guess I'm burdened with guilt and a part of me doesn't want to leave. Leaving I know would result in horrible pain, custody battles, etc. that I feel could be avoided by staying and working things out - but I don't know if that's even possible. I figure he's in need of counseling and help, I just don't know if he'd be willing to do it or not.
Please help!

Give him the option of going to anger management before you leave. And if he doesn't, then leave.
You feel as though you can't leave because of both how bothersome a divorce with a child is, and because he is a different person when he's happy.
Well.. If abusive men were angry and abusive all the time they would never get married in the first place. Having a spark of goodness to them is what gets them into relationships, and why women like you are so conflicted about staying.
It's essential that you use your time wisely now to look for a job to support yourself, you will probably need it.
Welcome to the board doubt8588,
eggbertshootsfire gave you some good advice.....if he won't go to anger management, you will have your answer.
When you say he is angry,