Should I just Be Happy?
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| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:43am |
Where to start...SO and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. I have a 5 1/2 yr old son from a previous marriage and SO and I have a 2 yr old daughter together. My son's bio-dad has no contact so SO is Daddy. We are not married and I dont know if I want to.
Since I got preg so soon after we met (2 months) I just feel stuck now. I think if we didnt have her,theres no way we'd still be together. He is basically a good person, but there are so many things that drive me nuts...I cant seem to get past it.
He is lazy. Very. He wont even throw his own trash in the trashcan. He told me yesterday that if I want him to pick up after himself, I have to remind him constantly. Like if he puts his trash on the counter Im to follow behind him and say,"hey,put that in the trash". Youve got to be kidding me. He thinks this is reasonable. I realize he wasnt required to do much as a child since his Mom did everything for him,but he's almost 32 and its about time to learn. Every morning I lay his clothes out, turn on his shower, and I still have to go in and clean up after him (even turning off lights and flushing the toliet!!)
Here's the kicker. Last week I find out I have cervical cancer(Im only 31!). One of the first things he asks is if we can still have sex. Are you kidding me? He's acting like I shouldnt be upset or depressed about this. Im scared! I dont trust him to take good care of the kids if Im off in the hospital. Every time he is watching them, someone gets hurt or something gets destroyed. While I was in the tub on Mother's Day, he somehow let my daughter fall on the lid of the bbq grill. She burned both of her forearms. How can I be away and worrying constantly?
I dont know if Im just being unreasonable expecting a grown man to help out around here. Getting him to mow the lawn is a challenge. I feel like I have 3 kids. Whenever I start bringing stuff up,he pulls the poor me act and cries if he thinks I want to leave. Yes,cries. Ive never seen anything like it. Not too attractive.
Sorry to ramble. Once I started to type I realized how much I keep in all the time. But I really want to know if I should just be happy or if I do have a right to be upset. Thanks

Welcome to the board lilmisspink,
I am so sorry to hear about your cancer. There is no doubt that you are scared and you have every right to be. Do you think you could go to couples counseling together to work on these issues? I think you need to stop acting like his mom and force him to be responsible for himself. There is no reason for you to be turning on his shower, picking out his clothes everyday, and even flushing the toilet after him. He is old enough to be doing this for himself. If he can't take care of himself, I don't blame you for worrying about him taking care of the children. Do you have family nearby that could help you take care of them?
glitter-graphics.com
What makes you think you HAVE TO DO ALL THESE THINGS FOR HIM? Lets be honest...what exactly would happen if you just got up one day and said NO to him. No starting the shower...NO flushing the toilet? He will be forced to do it himself. You are enabling his behavior and it needs to stop today.
Frani
Welcome to the board lilmisspink,
It's hard to have a relationship with an adult that takes on the role of another child.