Should I keep dwelling....?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Should I keep dwelling....?
2
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:02am
Hello....

This is a LONG story short but I am aching for some insight PLEASE.

First of all, I started dating a guy whom I have been friends with for over a year. We both have a child (I have a boy he has a girl) and we have good relationships with our exes. We are very much in love and truly want a future. This story is lacking some detail but in a nutshell...I live in Florida and almost went thru the hurricane. It missed me by an hour south. I evacuated and went to my family's. My BF stayed in his house, had a hurricane party and because his ex GF and their daughter had to evacuate, they stayed at his house too...overnight with about 6 of their friends. I was NOT invited because unknown to me, he was mad at me for a little spat we got into the night before. So, we cleared everything up on Saturday and spent Sat and Sun together. He knew I was upset that he had all those poeple at his house and I was NOT invited but what can I do? When I addressed this, it was not fixable because it had passed.

I am 33 and am past the games....but still was sick inside.

Well, Sunday was his daughters birthday, so I go to his house to meet him and we were planning on going to the party together and I would meet his ex. NOT a problem,we are mature adults, except, when I walked into his house, certain things I had left there (notes on the fridge, my pictures, cards) were down or put away. I was sick and we talked about it. His FIRST reaction when I asked was, "I did not want to make my ex uncomfortable." REALLY? I said then we have a problem because we are in a relationship and your ex and I are getting ready to meet in an hour. Then he said, "I lied, I took them down because I was mad at you." Well, I cannot believe that because now I think he gets too upset with me too fast and if he put my pictures away due to his anger (which I had NO idea he was THAT mad at me), then where is my creditbility in his eyes? TRUST me, he felt TERRIBLE and spent the whole night making me feel better. I did NOT dwell on it and I am NOT a fighter but it eats me up. What I feel is this: He took my stuff down BEFORE all these people got to his house so they would not see it or to spare someone else's feelings...that makes me sick. But how can I bring it up again? How can I have a solid ground to stand on when HE thinks we resolved it? He TRULY is a great man with a faith-filled heart, a good dad, and really declares his love for me. We want this to work, we dreamed about it.

So, bottom line, do I let it go and move on or address is again with him? I feel like I have to walk on eggshells at times.

Please Help...the feeling in my gut STINKS!

Thank you-God Bless!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:04pm
My question is, has he ever done anything like that before where he didn't want you to be seen? I that were me, I would definately dwell on it and question him. Something like tha would NOT sit well with me. That action of removing your pictures ect. is definately not cool. As long as it is bothering you, you can bring it up because it will always be in the back of your head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:18pm
I think you got problems. In the middle of a hurricane, he's mad and doesn't offer you a safe haven, a place to stay..... even when mad at someone I would not NOT OFFER shelter, protection for that person. That says a lot about his character.


Carrie