Should I keep on trying? Love hurts!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Should I keep on trying? Love hurts!!
4
Sat, 01-10-2004 - 10:49am
I was just wondering if you think my relationship is worth saving. We have been together for 2 years and have a wonderful 4 month old son. I just found out that my SO had been cheating on me for a couple months (not sure how long exactly). Anyway, he has since ended it with her, but I just don't know if we should stay together. And if we should, how? Where do I begin? Thanks, Amy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 01-10-2004 - 1:53pm

hi amy and hugs... i am sorry for your hurt.


you don't give alot of info so its hard to know what to answer. I don't know if you should stay with him or not - it depends on a lot of factors. in general, after there is cheating in a realationhip -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Sat, 01-10-2004 - 2:38pm
Hi! Sorry for lack of info, I have posted on a few other boards, and was tired when I wrote on this one. lol Anyway, He definetly wants to get back together. When I found out, I gave him what he wanted and told him that if he wants to be with her, then go, I will be fine. He stayed at his moms house for 5 nights (was with me during the days, never took clothes or toiletries) then came back and broke it off with her. Then I found out that he had called her 10 times in 8 days after he broke it off. He told me that she was leaving urgent msgs on his vm and he had to call back to see what was wrong. Then she would just say "HI". Out of the 10 calls, only 4 were longer than 1 min, and they were only 4-6 min. So then on Dec. 30, I told him that I wanted to hear him tell her it was over, so he called her in front of me and told her that it was over and to stop calling him bc he loved me and wanted to be with me. He is trying, I just don't know if I can, or how I can try to prevent this from happening again. He has thanked me several times for not turning my back on him, and told me how much it means to him and how much he loves me and how sorry he is. I don't know if he is ready to commit or not, I told him that I want a commited relationship, and very soon a marriage and if he can't give it to me, then I am out. But I am not ready for anything right now, we were engaged but I broke it off due to this and I am not ready to put the ring back on and say "I Do". Actually I have 2 kids, a 4-year old boy and a 4-month old boy, We both take care of them, his mom and my mom help a lot when we are working. Yeah, I have a horrible job, but I am working now. He is a Paramedic and works a lot. Financially, we are struggling right now, but are almost out of the whole. He has been working extra shifts to help get us caught up. Physically? What do you mean? God Bless You -Amy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 2:04am

well, look, again - its not enuf, IMHO, to have him say to you "i am with you". and even staging that phone call to the GF - i mean, honestly, how can you REALLY TRUST HIM? he cheated on you. then he said it was over -and it wasnt. how can you know that he is not STILL lying?


that is why i suggest you get yourselves to therapy. IF (and this is a big if) he really wants to be with you, IF he really wants to put that woman in the past and move on, then he has to agree to this. and IMHO - that should be YOUR bottom line - you go to therapy as a couple, you work thru this (and other) issues


good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 3:46pm
He did not "stage" the phone call. I was sitting close enough to hear that it was her. Thanks