Should I leave my man?
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Should I leave my man?
| Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:59am |
Hi! I have been dating my bf for almost 4 yrs. now and living with him for about 1yr. We are engaged to get married (no date yet). He is an all around nice guy has never hurt me or cheated on me. My problem is that he has become kind of controlling with me. He has bought a house that we live in together but he won't let me do simple things with the house. For example I want a dog, a fence, a pool, things like that but he tells me no. If this is suppost to be our house together why can't I do anything? We are suppost to get married, why would I if he will never let me have any say in what goes on? We fight over little petty things like this and I tell him I will move out if he keeps it up. I feel very hurt that he would be so mean and act like this. I don't even feel like it is my home too I feel like a damn roommate. He is the type of person that things everything is either his way or the highway. I just want some equality in our relationship. What should I do? I have already discussed this with him and it gets me no where. Thanks everyone!

This kind of behavior is unexcusable and will only get worse after marriage. He won't change unless he sees it as a problem and wants to start treating you better. Do you see that happening? Does he ever listen to you? Does he ever let you have a say?
Assume he won't change and decide if you want to live like this for the rest of your life.
i agree with gina. but i was wondering - HE bought the house? who is paying the maintenance, morgage, bills? who is doing the cleaning, etc? you say that you
A fence is probably a necessity if you have association rules about landscaping. Maybe you two need to discuss a budget and priorities. Maybe he feels you two can't afford it right now, but this is something that should be discussed instead of him just saying 'no' thinking you know why he's saying no.
Edited 3/4/2004 2:17:40 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
in a nutshell - this is a BIG RED FLAG. your fiance is not "bossing you around" - he is very controlling and when he doesn't get "his way" then he resorts to violence. yes - he is "just" yelling at you, but this usually goes in stages - and once you get *used to * the yelling, he might move on to other things. but hey - even yelling at you is just plain WRONG. whenever one of the people in the relationship is very controlling about money, house, decisions, etc - that is time to re-evaluate.
please - there are web sites which list behaviors that are consistant in controlling abusive men (there are sites here on ivillage, i am just in a hurry right now ). please - you do NOT have to put up with this abuse and it will not get any better - only worse.
how do i know? BTDT....