Should I let go

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Should I let go
3
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 1:27pm
I am in a very difficult situation and need some advice. I met this wonderful man about 9 months ago. When we met we started spending a lot of time together, we have a lot in common and love spending time together. He is 33 and I am 26. Our first couple of months were great. In August I found out that I was pregnant, he was really excited, it is both of our first children. Everyone seems to be happy for us. Then a couple of weeks after I found out I was pregnant, his ex-girlfriend came back in to the picture. They were together for a couple of year. He now wants to give her another chance to see if things are real or not, the way he puts it. She had told him before to let go and move on and then when he had done that, she pops back up with I really want to try to make things work. He is still a very big part of my life, but this is very difficult for me. My pregnancy has been very stressfull. I am having problems with my blood pressure. I try to explain to him how this is taking it's toll on me, but he still feels the need to see her knowing how it makes me feel. I love him very much but just don't know when to draw the line. And on top of that SHE is always there, at family events and everything. Being around her makes me very uncomfortable. I want him to be apart of mine and our childs life but am unsure how much more I can take and whether or not I am in a no win situation. Please any advice would help.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:11pm

As hard as it is, I think you need to break things off with him and treat him *only* as your child's father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:22pm
Your situation does sound difficult, but I think you know what you should do - you just don't want to do it. You are pregnant with this man's child and he is seeing another woman. It doesn't matter that she is an ex, it only matters that he is involved with her in a big way since she attends all the family functions. I can't imagine what his family thinks of this. And I can't imagine why either of them think it's acceptable to subject you to this. But they couldn't do this to you if you didn't allow it. You are torturing yourself by staying with him. If you weren't pregnant would you tolerate this situation? My guess is no, and as hard as it is, don't let your preganancy influence your decision to cut it off with him. He can still be a part of your child's life, including paying child support, but don't let him be a part of YOUR life. You deserve to have a man who doesn't want any other woman. If you stay with him under these conditions, you'll never be happy and neither will your child. You may love him, but he doesn't love you and that never works. Stop seeing him except to make arrangements for child support. Good luck and best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:23pm
Hon, your health and that of your unborn baby comes first. You will have to be the one to set the boundaries, you will have to be the strong one. Right now, you are allowing him to sit on the fence. He's got the best of both world - two women want him.

It's very hard to let go, know you deserve better and then say what needs to be said: I have to do what is right for me and in the best interest of my health and that of our baby's, so because I love you, I'm willing to let you go figure out what you want. However, that doesn't mean that you get to have both of us, so until you decide if you want to be in a relationship with me, I do not want to see you anymore. I'll keep you posted on my health and dr visits if you like (via email or whatever is less painful for you) but please don't call me.

It will hurt, you will grieve, but why should he be allowed to sting you along?


Carrie