Should I let him go??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Should I let him go??
1
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 3:20pm
Hi everyone... I need advice and sometimes it seems that people who know you can be a little judgemental. So, I need true advice, from people I don't know. I am completely heartbroken right now. My boyfriend of 9 months and I are having a few problems. We have so many outside problems that it is also causing problems inside our relationship. For starters, his father has lymph node cancer and the prognosis isn't good. He has been in the hospital for over a week now. My grandmother also has been in the hospital with a case of pneumonia. We have different ways of dealing. I need comfort and support, where he needs to be alone. So, there is problem #1.

Now, onto problem #2... whoever said money is the root of all evil, they sure hit the nail on the head. I am a nurse and work A LOT of hours. I do make good money. He is a supervisor for UPS and also makes good money... the problem here is that he has not been to work in over 2 weeks because of all the things that have been going on with his family. So, this month I shelled out about 1000 dollars for our rent and utilities. Oh, by the way, we live together.

On top of that, our sex life has been non existent. He says that he just doesn't feel like it. He doesn't know what is wrong with him, he just isn't in the mood. Isn't that supposed to be my line?? But, on a serious note.. I can't stand it. I read a stupid article in Cosmo that said, "If he isn't making love to you, he is making it to someone else." So, it has been almost 2 weeks since he has touched me. Sex has never been an issue with us, but now... it has made me completely insecure and jealous. I admit to accusing him, even though there is no proof that he has ever done anything.

Like I said earlier, I work a lot of hours, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is clean. I hate to do the dishes, I hate to do laundry, I hate to run the sweeper, I do it... I just don't like to. Lately, I have no motivation. I just don't want to do it. So, when he comes home from spending time with his dad, and something isn't cleaned... he bitches. The last time I checked though, I was not his mom or maid, I am his girlfriend.

So, as you can see... there is a lot going on right now. Last night we talked about breaking up and him moving out of our place. I don't want that to happen. I love him so much. I honestly believe that anyone who has never wanted to kill their mate and run like hell, has never been in love. Is him moving out the best answer, or is this something that we will be able to get through?? Thanks so much for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 6:04pm
Sounds like you both need a break from the illnesses in the family. Do you have family or friends that could be your emotional support right now? That would free him up to handle his emotions in his own way.

As for the sex, give it some time. You want closeness as it feels comforting. He'd rather be alone, so he's not looking for comfort. I've also heard that men withdraw sexually when depressed.

::So, when he comes home from spending time with his dad, and something isn't cleaned... he bitches.

Next time say to him: hon, we are both stressed, are you really mad about this not being cleaned or mad about something else?

Moving isn't necessarily the best answer. Would he be willing to go to couple's counseling to help you both agree to a plan to make things better between you?


Carrie