Should I pay towards the rent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Should I pay towards the rent?
24
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 6:40am

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half.

I have a place of my own but spend nearly all of my time around

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 9:32pm

Based on the fact that you are there everyday, I can see how one may

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 10:32am
Good luck. I hope y'all are able to work it out.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 4:35am

@cat.alley Thanks for the correction! I'm a little concerned that I read "much" as "most"! Utilities at my house are included in the rent (620Euro per month) so the costs are the same regardless of whether I am there or not. My place is on the way to my girlfriends, so I pop in every day on the way back from work to check mail etc and have a shower (so I don't use as much of her water).

@mhash: Too right. :) It's something that makes life so interesting and the experience so unique. It's also something that clearly causes conflict from time to time and some frustration! :D

I

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 2:47pm
It is amazing how we are all different isn't it? Your girlfriend has a different concept of how a relationship *should* work, not to deal with the fairness but with what comes "naturally." Your situation highlights how each of us come from different backgrounds, have different expectations and assumptions, and have different points of view on the same set of circumstances.

We each have a view of "shoulds" and what is "normal" and that is a great starting point in discussing and dealing with each other's differences.

Keep communicating and be willing to listen to each other in order to understand rather than push your own point of view. I find that there usually is an underlying reason for the other person who so adamantly holds onto their stance and it usually from their past wounds and fears.

mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 11:54am
I just want to correct that I didn't say "most" of your living expenses. I said "much". I'm pretty sure bills at your house, that you stay at one night a month, are pretty low.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 11:39am

@cat.alley
It's great to hear a different opinion. Especially a dissenting one!

For the last six months I have spent almost every afternoon/night/weekend at her place. So I can understand how she feels that I'm living there in the fullest sense of the phrase.

I agree that certain things should come naturally and believe that -- for the most part -- they have. For example, whenever we have been out together I've always attempted to pay for the groceries or contribute something; and most times I have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 10:48am

"As to why she's hiding you from her ex... I agree with you that nothing is probably happening between them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 10:27am

I probably have a dissenting opinion, which isn't unusual.

How long have you been spending all your time there?

Did you say that you "suspect" she's paying more for food, and recall that you made a pasta dish last week?

I can kinda understand her view of your saying "fair" if it hasn't been fair all this time to her.

And I think she might be right on her view that it should be natural.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 2:47pm

Is there a possibility of an outside influence in regards to her new request of you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 12:44pm

Your GF does have some kind of odd ideas.

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