Should I stay or go...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Should I stay or go...?
5
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 10:37am

So, my SO and I have been together for almost 4 years and we were really happy. We have a daughter together and shes beautiful.. My problem is that he doesn't have time for her or me! We live together and when he gets home from work, he goes straight onto the computer and is there for a good hour or two or more. By then our daughter has to go to bed. He works 6 days a week (by choice!) and he recently started a second job that is on tuesdays, sundays and sometimes other nights starting at 7pm. We dont need the extra money, were well off with his other job and I bring money in too. We had a talk about it almost 2 weeks ago now and nothing has changed. Besides me doing what he asked for (cooking, cleaning). I told him I can't stay in a relationship when im alone all the time. I moved away from everything to be with him, my friends family ect. So unless things change I am going to go somewhere where im not alone all the time. Things were different for a couple days after the talk but then they went back to normal, he thinks im not serious or something. But this weekend we are going down to my moms house for easter and im not 100% sure if i should come back.. I dont know if this is even worth being upset about!?


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:50am

Welcome to the board wuvlysme,


I would suggest telling your SO that you are seriously considering staying at your mom's house for a while because you still feel like you are alone all the time. This would let him know that you are serious, but also give him another hint in case he really does want to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:56am

Welcome to the board wuvlysme,


Eden is beautiful!


Have you talked to him about the spyware?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 1:34pm

Hey, thank you for responding!


He has not quit the second job, the reason why I am thinking of leaving is because yesterday was the last straw. He leaves here at 7pm and is supposed to be back at 8 30 pm which i was fine with.. but the last two tuesdays the meetings ran 'late' and he never got home until 10! I no for a fact that they do not run longer, he just stayed to chat with his new friends. He doesn't understand why Im so upset!


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 2:26pm
It is a good book. I've read it. The little tests in it are good to help you define what you need in a relationship.




Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 3:42pm

It's very sad to have to break up a family, and I also understand how hard it is to be all alone all the time. Of course this is not appropriate in a marriage. Your husband has to face the fact that he is running away from relationships and intimacy, hiding from his family. It also sounds as though he needs some professional counseling to understand what it is that is causing this behavior. He must realize that he needs help and that just talking together won't work things out. There is obviously some unconscious cause of this inside of him that he needs help understanding and resolving. Unless he does this, it is totally unfair to both you and your child. There is no relationship and naturally you cannot continue this way indefinitely. Let him know how serious it is and that he must get help. If he refuses, then you have other choices to make.


All good wishes,