Should I stay or go????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Should I stay or go????
2
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:07pm
I am currently involved in a relationship with a young man who has a son that resides in another state. He is currently in the military as myself and plans to move back to his homestate (where his son is) in aprrox. 2 years. Due to my military obligation, I of course will not be able to leave the area where we are both currently stationed. We have been dating for a little over a year and he is a beautiful person but, I don't want to get hurt. If we were to stay together until he left I would have invested 3 years of my life with him. When I try to talk about it he says that you don't know what could happen between now and then...although this is true...I know what his plans are. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:52pm
A year is a good amount of time to invest in a relationship. I don't think it is too much to ask of him to have a coversation covering all of the 'what ifs' and deciding if your plans are compatible. Have you told him that you are afraid of getting hurt?

Have you met his son? Do you understand your role in his son's life should you move with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:31pm
I agree completely with the communication approach. I have not met his son..his son has visited but it was set up prior to our dating and at the time I was out to sea. Now, that brings me to another issue...the ex! He wanted his son to come up for his homecoming from his 6 month deployment. His mother agreed to bring him but the baby's mother said that if she couldn't come then the baby couldn't come. He also has problems seeing his son when he goes home. So I know that I won't get to meet him anytime soon. I just talk to him over the phone but he's only 3. He wants him to come and stay with us for 6 months and I told him that I don't have a problem with that but the baby's mother said no and that's prior to he and I moving in together. I applaud him for being a good man and wanting to be an active part of his son's life so I don't push the issue b/c it's almost like trying to make him decide between me and his son. That's not a choice and it shouldn't be. I just try to get him to see that even when he is in the same state with his son...he doesn't get to spend the time with him that he wants b/c the baby's mother makes it difficult. I don't know what to do. I have told him that I don't want to get hurt and he keeps telling me that he knows that everything is going to work out. He just told me the other day that he doesn't want to move back to his homestate and that he's thinking about going to school here. He also said that he is going to seek joint custody of his son through the court system b/c there is no official visitation set up at this time since they were never married.