should I stay or should I go
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should I stay or should I go
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 8:24am |
I've been seeing this guy for the past ten months. We started off as friends as I was well aware that he lives with someone. The more we started to hang out together, we developed some serious and strong feelings for each other. The past couple of months have been very stressful, we've both lost our jobs (he has gotten back to work and I'm still trying), he also has a daughter with this person but she's mentally challenged. He's told me that he has only "stayed" where he is for his daughters sake and yet he is in the process of trying to wrap up mostly bills so that he can break away for good. I keep thinking that it's all just a crock and that nothing is going to change. Now all of a sudden, the person that he lives with has developed a type of illness that runs in her family that is supposedly causing her to be dying. I can't stand that I love this man very much, he has a daughter that I can't get to know or spend any time with (even though my kids are very much a part of this relationship, and as much as he claims to be in love with me, we have to have limits. He has told me before that the person that he lives with has threatened to commit suicide, even go so far as to threaten to kill all three of them. I told him that basically he's an idiot for even keeping his daughter in that type of environment and all he could say is that he's trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Very soon we will have been seeing each other for a year but I don't know how much more I can take. I dont want to loose the feelings that we share or the good times, I just don't know if I can handle anymore bullcrap.

Maybe he is telling hte truth...God forbid anyone had a sudden illness that was incurable, but trust is the foundation to anything. If you think that he is capable of lying about the health of his family to benefit him, he isnt worthy to date anyways. Cheating is cheating, so whatever the reason he is using to stay with this woman, doesnt matter- he is still with her .
First of all, this man is not free or available right now to have a relationship with you. If you want to maintain a minimal friendship, that's one thing - but to engage in a serious relationship with him with strong feelings is a mistake. You say his partner is now dying. This has to be a very stressful time for him and his daughter. If she is dying, then he may become truly available. If this is an illness she has that takes many years, that is a different story. You've got to gather all the facts of the situation and take a good look. How much longer will her illness last? She sounds as though she is a seriously disturbed woman. The fact that he leaves his child in this situation doesn't speak well of his judgment. However, the larger point is that it never really works to be with someone who is living with and committed to another. No one wins in a situation like this. Step back. Give him the time and space he needs to work things through there. If and when he becomes available and the two of you still want to be together, that is plenty of time to resume the relationship.
Best wishes.
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