Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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| Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:05pm |
I work at this hotel with my best gal pal, as a front desk clerk. During her shift in Oct. she became friends with a guy named Justin, who at the time was dating the hotel's bartender. She calls me at home and implores me to meet with him. So I did, we all chatted and talked and all that good stuff. A few months goes by and if I was working and so was his bartender girlfriend, he'd come to the desk and hang out with me.
By Dec. the bartender starts to cut her eyes at us and a good week later, Justin stopped talking to me. The last time I saw them before the bartender quit was when he was asking her to show off the engagement ring he got her. I oohed and ahhed the ring and didn't see hide nor hair of them for four months.
In April, I get a phone call from my best friend, saying Justin is back. His wife (the bartender) left him earlier that day and ran back to her ex husband and he wanted me to come down there so the three of us (justin, myself, and my buddy) could hang out. I agreed and went down there. When I got to the hotel, he said he was hungry and wanted to go out and get something to eat. Since my best friend was working, me and Justin went out. While we were sitting at Chili's waiting on our food he looks at me says, "I don't know if I should be telling you this but...since I saw you that first time in Oct. I've wanted to ask you out."
Talk about surprised! I was just sat there as he professed his love gulping down my Strawberry Daiquiri looking around for the waiter so I could order another round. He asked me if I wanted to go out the next day. My philosophy on dating is give each guy at least one chance...if they have the balls to ask me out, i have the balls to say yes. We pass the rest of the meal with getting to know you getting to know me talk like, where are from, where did you grow up, what nationality are you (b/c I'm multi-racial) and more importantly...how old are you. I told him I was 21 (which I am) he told me he was 28. just basic stuff.
SO next day we go out. We go to his friend's farm and ride horses, ride on ATVs, and other fun stuff. We went out everyday that week until we decided to start dating for real...like with titles (bf/gf). A good week and a half into our relationship, the ex wife shows face again. She starts calling and harrassing him. The next day she gets in through a window at his apartment and takes EVERYTHING! the bed, TV, Toilet paper, clothes, dishes, pots, pans, dvd player, tapes, and cleans out the bank account. I help Justin keep a cool head about all of this and we keep going. A few days later, she calls and lays one hell of a guilt trip on him. Her main argument "you vowed until death do us part...you're still alive" so to try and fix that in an act of desperation he pops about 20 Tylenol PMs hoping to do himself in.
Fatefully, I walk in as his curled up in a ball convulsing. I pick him up, take him to the hospital. As he's checking in with the nurse she asks for his birthday, he says "12/23/73". Now, I was born in 83, I'm 21 years old...which would make him...
I spun around to face him and interrupted him mid-sentence and said, "You're 31?!" He mumbled something and the nurse made me sit in the waiting area. After that entire episode, on the drive home I asked him why did you lie about your age? He answered, "You had told me before that you dated a 32 year old, and your parents had a problem with that...so I didn't want to scare you off"
I said...ok fair enough...we keep on truckin'. But his ex keeps calling and keeps calling. I'm hearing that she wants to beat me down, she knows I'm dating him, she knows we're together all the time and that's her husband...this is all according to him. She calls me at work and we have a very civilized talk. That's whenI start to get the feeling he was lying to BOTH of us.
Well, about a good week ago, a day shy of our 1 mth. anniversary in the heat of another petty argument...I say, "I don't think we should be dating anymore. We argue over so many things, and i get the feeling that I'm being lied to. B/c if you are saying all the hurtful things to your ex that you are telling me you are, she wouldn't be trying to get back together." He agrees, we break up...but agree to just be friends.
We went out the day that would have been our anniversary, as friends, to a club for some drinks and dancing. Sexual tensions were running high...but nothing r-rated happened. We just had a few drinks and joked around. Later on that night on the ride back home he's like, "My ex wants a chance. She's family...that's still my wife. I have to give her that chance. You've done more for me in the past month than she ever did in 3 mths. but...she is still my wife." So then I go home and start to detach myself from the entire situation.
Next night, he calls me and says he's leaving in the morning to go on a business trip. He wants to say goodbye to me. So we meet up halfway between my apt and his. He tells me that he doesn't believe things with his ex are going to work out...so he wants to know that when he comes back home in 2 wks time...will I still be here waiting for him. I say, "No, you've made your decision...you chose her. You can't have it both ways"
He gets mad, goes home. Next day he texts my phone telling me to leave him and his wife alone...he loves her very much, and they are going to make it work. Now...I never called his wife. I said nothing that was not the truth. So I call him back, tell him he and his wife are both drama-queens, they deserve each other, and to please lose my phone number.
2 days goes by. Not a word from him...and i haven't called him either. Then out of the blue he calls and apologizes for the texts. Saying that it was uncalled for. I thank him and hang up. Later in the day he cries on the phone saying, "You were the best thing to ever happen to me...and i f*cked it up. My so-called wife, cleaned out my bank account again and went back to her ex-husband...and I'm so sorry that I pushed you away...will you let me try again?"
I say, "No...you made your choice. I'm not coming back"
A good week has gone by since then. And he calls everyday with some sense of hope that one of these days I'll come back to him. He calls and says he loves me. He texts me and says he misses me and wants to marry me. He'll leave voicemail begging for another chance b/c "I'm the only thing on the face of this planet that makes him truly happy"
Now, a small part of me wants to believe him over the ex...who says he's lying. A small part wants to forget all the bad that has happened and start clean slate. My parents,a nd best friends are telling me this is a bad idea.
What should I do? Stay strong with the "I'm never going to date you" mantra, give him another chance and take it from there, or just plain old go back to him?
HELP?!?

if i were you i would move to another country where he or his psycho wife would never find me.
Carrie