should I stay or should I go
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should I stay or should I go
| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 6:23pm |
I to am married to a functioning alcoholic and am very confused wether to stay or go. He has many good qualities. He has a good job which he is responsible at, only gets nicer when he drinks, he comes home every night right after work, everyone thinks he is this great, nice guy. He tells me he loves me all the time and honestly acts as if he does. But then the bad part. He pritty much drinks daily, but does not get drunk daily. During the weekend he starts at about 1:00 and drinks till bedtime. All the things we do he has to involve drinking. He absolutely will not quit. The worst is that he works for a large company and has to go out of town for meetings. Almost every night he hangs out with his boss and or peers drinking till the bars close. I have a very hard time trusting him when he does this. He promises me he is not doing anything I dissaprove of and I can call him at any time, but at times he says he doesnt hear his phone. He said to solve the problem he will get a vibrating phone. The misstrust has caused a problem with our intimacy. Sorry to give you all this info. I just want you to have the whole picture. We have been married for 5 years and have no kids. This is mainly because I dont know what is going to happen with us or his drinking. Can you please give me your thoughts about this. I would really appreciate it. Thank you, Confused.

Doesn't your choice really boil down to whether you can accept the fact that alcohol is a disease...and whether the carrier is a person you can live with?
I'm sure the man's qualities are OUTSTANDING (aside from the drinking), but you're obviously bothered by the fact that there has been no children, the intimacy between you is bad, and that the problem has been in place for 5 years.
If you want to make changes...YOU will have to make them. He probably won't care for them. And your relationship might be terminated by the actions you choose to take.
But unless the man in your life wants to curtail his habit and pay a visit to al-anon (or to a counsellor) for his problem...there's going to be very little change ahead for the two of you.
Sorry I can't be more optomistic.
Pianoguy