should i stay or should i go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
should i stay or should i go?
9
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:02pm
newbie to ivillage and looking for compassionate and understanding people with objective point of views.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:48pm

Welcome to the board manoffaith,


Sounds like due to her fear and being afraid, she either wants her cake and eat it too or she's weaning herself off of you.


A condition for staying together should be marriage counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:53pm

Given where you two are at, I think you need to take some time and think seriously about what's best for you and for your children. Don't factor her wants into that equation. Both of you should be doing this and then see if what each of you wants individually matches up with each other. Personally, I would probably would not want to live under the same roof while this evaluation process was going on.

I do think that it is better for children to be raised in a broken home where the parents have gone on to find happiness then for them to be raised in a single home where the parents are miserable and broken on the inside.

It's not easy. I'd suggest finding a therapist or counselor to help you think about the issues and make the best decision.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:58am

Welcome to the board manoffaith,


I agree that if you decide to stay you need marriage counseling and the agreement that you are working on the marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 3:07pm

In regards to emotional affair, why would she say "i don't mind go ahead and meet him, i'll introduce him to you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 4:38pm
She says things like "are we too far gone, why do you want me, you need time to really think about why you want us, I know it's hard divorced and single but I don't know if I want you to stay, she says she like idea of marriage and wants to be married but in a healthy way, she says she wants to include me since i'm the father of the kids but tends to skirt the issue if she still has some emotional attachment to me, she says she is waiting to see change and until then i have no right to know her whereabouts or who she is with or texting, she said she feels a low self esteem around me sometimes because of my past critical behavior of the past and says it may just be my nature and may never change even though I have changed slowly but surely, she wants us to spend individual time apart to make peace with personal issues, she often doubts if we can have more than a mediocre marriage, she fears we will repeat the cycle and it keeps her in a state of limbo, I explained to her it's still on the table for me to work things out but I ask her the same question and get no response or 'I dont have all the answers'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 4:40pm

Unfortunately, this says it all:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 5:46pm

Two things about your post that jumped out at me.

1. Your wife is still having an affair.

2. The two of you have every excuse in the book on why the two of you have behaved badly toward each other.

I think that you should perhaps try the Marriage Builders website. Lots of good information there and people that have been in the same place you are and a lot worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 6:25pm
Thanks to all for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 6:25pm
Thanks to all for your input.