Should I stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Should I stay or should I go?
4
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 12:36am

I am now in a situation that I don't quite understand what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years. I am 25 yrs old. We were supposed to get married this year but canceled the wedding. I also found out just recently that he cheated on me last year while engaged and while I went on a soul searching trip to Europe for a month.

We live together but we both decided I should get away for a month. I now don't know whether I want to go back. I could forgive him but the reason it is really hard is because he was not that sorry. He is never sorry. He actually never really acts in need of me. We've both hurt each other a lot (verbally and emotionally). It's just that I feel empty and lonely being with him or being without him. I miss how it feels to be needed and to be put on a pedestal. I don't feel safe with him. All my friends and family hate him. I am not that fond of his friends or family either.

I'm very tired. I just can't let him go. He still wants to be together. I don't know what to do.

A lot is also going on with my work right now and I guess it really is just a hard time for me.

Should I go back and live with him again? Would that not say he can do anything he wants and get away with it...and again somehow he came out clean and found a way to blame it on me? I dont think I can quite live with myself with that knowledge. However, I just can't find enough strength to move out also and say it is over.

Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 1:12am

Welcome to the board cali_girl25,


Only you know what you can live with BUT you can take some steps to figure it out - seek counseling, if you want him to join you at some point, ask him.


The biggest red flag is that he's not sorry, no remorse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 1:33am

I'm wondering if this hasn't been the best relationship for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 6:42am
I agree. It is not promising that he is not remorseful. It shows you that he is capable of doing it again - personally I will never advocate staying with someone who cannot even be faithful to you when you're still in the "dating" ("most exciting") part of your relationship. He wants to be with you, but what is he really telling you? That he can do what he wants and you should put up with it because he doesn't really care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 11:29am

Welcome to the board cali_girl25,


The fact that he isn't sorry about cheating on you speaks volumes. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would be sorry. He also wouldn't be blaming everything on you.


Since you were doing some soul searching, maybe going to counseling would help you find yourself and help you figure out what you want to do.

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