Should I tell of affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Should I tell of affair?
5
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 12:52am
I had an affair during the first five years of my marriage. 15 years have past and I do not know if I should confess to my spouse of this affair. Can you please help me with this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 8:31am
Please answer these questions first;

What is your motive for wanting to tell?

Of what benefit would it be to anyone if you told?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:13am
I don't think that you should tell. What happened in the past should stay in the past. Let it go. I am in a relationship right now that the past keeps on being the issue. You know the affair is over, but you tell your spouse it will only cause major problems.

Good luck!!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:27am

What is it that prompts you to want to do this now? This is a very important questions. Are you having difficulties in your marriage? Is this a way to shake things up, or give you a reason for leaving? Are you wanting to have another affair? You must realize that this will certainly cause upset should you now, after all these years, bring it up. I suggest you look into your heart carefully and see why you want to do it. If you are carrying guilt with you, rather than just blurt it out, it might be better to talk it all first with a trained counsellor so you can handle the guilt and also be prepared for the consequences of telling your husband.


Best wishes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 1:05pm
I may sound a bt hypocritical here but I have been cheated on and I am finding things so hard to come to terms with this.Every night and everyday infact every minute of every day I wonder why,what and how.This is terrible situation.I don't whether I am speaking otu of term but the reason for you wanting to tell could mean 2 things

1) maybe your guilt is over powering you and you feel to ease it off you , you must tell

2) you are scared of doing it again and found it to easy to be sly and deceptfull and by telling your partner you think it might prevent this happening again.

i am not saying it is right not telling but sometimes it is for the best.It won't be you who is hurting think of your partner.

good luck and best wishes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 1:17pm
Don't tell now....Why should you? it's done over, let it sleep...........

  

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