should I tell him to go for a while

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
should I tell him to go for a while
1
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:17am
I have caught my husband in lies and this is not the first time in the twelve years we have been married. I can not get over these feeling to keep checking up on him. I decided to go talk to someone about these feelings. I also have him going to someone to find out why he can not tell the truth to me. My question is, since every time I look at him I want to question him about his whereabouts, what he was doing, and with whom, would it be a good idea to separate until we both have our own problems worked out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:28am
Wow,

I know exactly how you feel. My son's father had been cheating on me. We were together for 5+ years. It was killing me - the lies, the constant wondering every time he left the house, came in late from work, what was he doing, who was he with. I couldn't take it anymore and kicked him out. It was the hardest thing I ever did and it hurt like I dont know what. But it was probably the best thing I could have ever done. Im slowly starting to see that now.

He has admitted that at this point in his life he feels he wants to be able to be with more than one woman (something he wouldnt admit when we were together). Sick enough he is now living with one of the women he cheated on me with. But he was also cheating on her as well. So committment for him now, he doesnt even know the meaning of the word. But I have shown him that I will not settle for less than I deserve any longer.

I had lost alot of self esteem with him. So us being separated now is time for both of us to rediscover who we are. We do both still love each other very much but now is not the time for us to be together. Who knows what will happen in the future. I've made a huge decision to leave it up to "fate" and God.

I pray everyday that he will help us find our way back to each other. But if we dont that is okay also. Never settle for less than you deserve. Trust me I've been there and it's not worth it at all. I know the thought of separating is frightening. The whole possibility of him never coming back. But you know what its better to know for sure you have someone who truly loves you for you than to have someone with you because it's conveinent. I wish you the best of luck in your decision.