Should I tell him or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Should I tell him or not?
4
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:50pm
I will keep this short as possible. 2 mths ago my wife and I split, we have a 1 yr old together. We agreed things were not working out and we should move on. Well after that I had an emotional/nervous breakdown and realized that it was not what I wanted. I called her at 8:00 on Sat. and told her I needed to talk I was haveing a breakdown. She showed up at 12:00 saying she got there as fast as she could. By that time I had had a panic attack and went to the hospital. We talked and I told her that I was willing t do whatever to make it work. Counseling or anything. SHe told me that she did not believe I could change. SHe says I do not make her feel good by telling her she's pretty and other things. I think that is very fixable. Anyway she started dating a guy 3 wks after we split and is still w/ him. However we have continued to have sex since then and he doesn't know. I want to stop that now. I explained to both of them that I did not want stay over boyfriends while my son was there. well this weekend they kept my son at her mom's and he stayed over. He even told me that he would respect me to not stay where my sone was at. Well I feel they have disrespected me and my son very badly. Not to menting the other times I feel my ex has disrespected me by telling him she loved him in front of me. NOw I know usually it is not right to tell they bf/gf that you have been sleeping w/ their mate, but I think this is and exception. See I thougth that my ex would eventually do the right thing that I as well as her friends and family feel is right and that is to come home and work this out for our family. But she has not and does not look as if she is going to. I think that this guy should now that she has been staying at my house and that we have been having sex this whole time. One because my son is involved in the relationship and I don't want something bad to happen if my ex continues this way w/ maybe someone else. I know we were both wrong for haveing sex w/ each other after we were split up but she is getting to have her cake and eat is to i think and it has to stop. I also know that I was wrong in the relationship as far as affection and how to make her feeel good. SHe is infatuated w/ him because he opens doors and brings her flowers randomly. She doesn't love him cause if she did then she would not be sleeping w/ me. I plan on telling her how I feel that she is a liar, a cheat, disrespectful, careless, and a quitter and I don't want to be around her anymore. I just want to do it in a nice way. Then I think i should talk to him and tell him I don't appreciate him going against my word and staying this weekend after he told my he respected my request. He is a very passive guy and she know this, she told me so what she says goes and he would never tell her she is wrong cause if you do w/ her ego know since we split up she gets mad. Her sisters even think that she has a huge ego and it has gotten real bad since we split. I know this was long but I need some help BAD!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 6:56pm
bump for an answer? Should I tell him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 7:32pm
Personally, I wouldn't tell him. Why? Because it won't get you the outcome you want. She's not going to wake up. He probably won't leave anyway, IF he believes you, because he may chose to believe her lies.

As far as telling him about staying over....that's out of your control now too, unfortunately. No matter what he said to you (he's passive you said) the two of them are still going to do exactly what they want to do and if you tell either of them 'all about themselves' it will just push them closer together, give them a common enemy.

My best to you on your healing path.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 2:14pm
I wouldn't tell him either.Nor would I tell her what a jerk shes been.

Neither of them are going to listen to you.You'd said hes passive..thats not going to change & will also probably become an issue at some point for her.I would let it ride.Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 2:40pm
hi. I think that it would be best for you if you start to focus your energies and time on yourself and on your child. your wife - for whatever reason - does not want to be in a relationship with you. that is her choice. stop sleeping with your wife, get the divorce moving, and focus on yourself and your child.