Should I tell I cheated before marriage?
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| Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:45pm |
Hi Everyone
I need some real advice. I am engaged and happy, but a couple of years ago when me and my fiancee'(bf at the time) were having major problems I got really drunk (blacked out) and cheated. I kissed someone and another time I started to have sex with someone then realized what was going on and started crying and stopped it. I know being drunk is no excuse, but I know it altered my judgement. Anyways, bottom line I did it and I'm still thinking about it. We broke up for other reasons and got back together and things have been great ever since. HOwever, I'm starting to think I should tell him. I told him before that I've done bad things, but he said the past is the past and we were having problems then and he doesn't want to know. But what if he finds out later AFTER we get married and he freaks out.
I know I would want to know. I just want to be totally honest and I want to him to know, but I also don't want to hurt him.
Has anyone else gone through through this...
I'm so confused. I want to be a better person and tell him that back then he wasn't the only one doing wrong.
Thank you for reading
Laura

Welcome to the board laura_06,
He has told you that the past is the past and he doesn't want to know about what happened back. I think you should respect that and not say anything. The only thing that telling him will do is ease your guilt and that is a selfish
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First, be brutally honest about your intentions. Most of the folks I've known that wanted to tell the truth, own up to cheating were doing so because they ended up feeling better. So you will feel better, but your fiance will get the proverbial kick in the crotch.
Second, he's already told you, clearly, that the past is the past and he does not want to know about it. So if he finds out and freaks out, remind him that he told you he did not want to know.
The short version -- keep it to yourself.
Thank you everyone for such quick replies.
I think I will keep it to myself. I've been thinking about it today, and the thought of
hurting him is the last thing I want to do. I deserve to feel bad about it and guilty.
Thanks!
I personally think you should tell him. If the past if the past like he says you two will both move and things will be fine. If he does care, he has the right to know you betrayed him more than once.
I also hope you are staying away from alcohol.
If you've told him you've done bad things, and he's said the past is the past and he doesn't want to know about it, believe him. Listen to him. In a sense you've already told him and he's replied that he wants to leave it in the past. And clearly doesn't want to hear details. There's no reason to tell him under these circumstances. If you have a guilty conscience, work that out yourself. Telling him and being punished for it, is not a way to relieve your own bad feelings. Perhaps you can offer yourself some self acceptance as well. You were broken up, and you were going through a bad time. Also, you were drunk. The best way to go forward now is to stay away from the alcohol except perhaps for just one drink. Watch what you're doing and do your very best to make things work now.
All good wishes,
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