Should I wait it out???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Should I wait it out???
5
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:19am
I've been in a relationship for just over a year and a half now. I am 28 years old and my partner is a year younger. Last night we discussed the "future" of our relationship or if there is one. I feel I am getting to the point in my life where I would like to settle down and start a family of my own, preferably with him. He said he doesn't know that he wants that and if so when he would, but ideally it would be great to have that with me. I said that I would expect to start the next phase of my life within the next two years. He said he doesn't know. I'm at a cross roads and don't know if I should end things and look elsewhere or if I should continue to optomistically stick it out, only to find out years down the road, it is never going to happen. I am in love with this man and admire so much about him, but it doesn't seem like we have common relationship goals. I'm playing an emotional tug of war with myself and don't know what the right way to proceed is. Any thoughts or words of advice would be greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:25am

In my opinion a year and a half to leave for this reason is too early in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:28pm
I can understand you wanting to start having kids within the next two years.... being young enough to be active enough to keep up with your kids, enjoy them while you are young, etc. You can't make him be on the same page as you, but heck, he can wait another 10 yrs find a younger wife and start then.

You have to decide if it's worth waiting for you....sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:42pm
Thank you for your opinion. But just a quick question...why is it wrong to want to know if we are on the same page or not? Why would someone knowingly continue to put forth an effort to build a strong foundation and have it go nowhere? Or at least not to the place where I know I want my future to end up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 8:48pm
It's not wrong to want to know if your relationship is going to end up where you want it. Everyone wants to know that. If you've been together for two years and your almost in your 30's then it's time that he should know what he wants to do. Does he even want kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:01pm
I'd recommend that you have a different kind of conversation with him. Ask him what he wants out of life over the next 2, 5 and 10 years and steps he is planning on taking to achieve his goals. His answers will tell you a lot. Don't go into this conversation with a "what about me" notion as it will defeat the purpose.

You should also be ready and willing to answer to the same conversation. The answers shouldn't specifically include him - they should be about your goals, plans and directions. This is far more than getting married and having kids - its a statement of life's plan.


Edited 3/25/2004 10:03 pm ET ET by spice.man