Should you give him a 2nd chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Should you give him a 2nd chance?
17
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:27pm
Imagine that you and your boyfriend have been dating for two years. He talks to you about everything and anything. He tells you that he loves you everyday at any given moment. On top of that he introduce you to his family and all his friends. He even gets your name tattooed on his neck. His bestfriend for several years tells you that she believes that he really loves you. You two don't live very close, he doesn't have a way to communicate with you on a daily bases but he trys to call as much as he can despite the circumstances. Okay, now, after all that you find out he cheated on you not once but twice, with two different females, both of them claim to be pregnant by him. You confront the first female who told you everything, she claims that she doesn't have any feelings for him and she wants nothing to do with him, but after you leave later on you find out she tried to get him to take her back (he didn't). The other girl says she doesn't want him but as soon as she finds out that you decided to break it off she jumps at the chance to get with him again. 1st question: do you believe the two girls? 2nd question: Do you try to continue your relationship with him?

Regardless he still calls you, tells you how much he loves you, and how much he wants you back (he claims to be willing to do anything to prove his love for you). You don't take him back but you are willing to give hi another chance. 3rd: Do you give him another chance? (Despite what he did you still love him). 4th: How do you learn to trust him again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:40pm
I'm sorry if you came here hoping someone on this anonymous message board could tell you who was lying and who was telling the truth. We're not psychics.

When you find a GOOD man who is mature and has integrity and self-worth, you will not even find yourself in this type of situation b/c he'd never allow himself to be put in this situation. The women could be lying but they haven't just come out of the blue to persecute him (and you). In other words, it is very unlikely he is just an innocent victim. He's playing SOME part in the situation. As I said, a mature man who's worth his salt would not be there. What type of circle of people are you in anyway? I suggest "movin' on up" and rising to a level above all this crap. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:46pm
Bravo! Exactly what I was thinking .
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 8:14pm
The fact that it is two different women that are making these claims should tell you something. Even if he didn't get them pregnant, chances are he did sleep with them. Think of it this way- If you were one of those girls, and you really liked this guy... would you make up this lie saying you slept with him and got pregnant thinking he would then start a relationship with you after his girlfriend breaks up with him? Especially if you never even slept with him?!?! That is just plain stupid. I would hope that those girls are a little more intelligent than that. NOW- if they both HATED you and your boyfriend, then I can see them doing something like that, but YOU EVEN SAID one tried getting with him afterward! That fact alone completely blows the sabatoge idea out of the water. That girl can't expect to be able to break you two up and then have him go to her unless something has happened between them. Plain and simple. You're really fishing for a reason to stay with him... which I guess is understandable if you really love him. BUT- I don't think it's worth it. Can you get him and one of the girls to sit down with you? This of course if a last resort and I don't recommend this, but you could look at them both in the eye and see if you can read them. You can see how he reacts to her and what she says- and if he gets really defensive and angry and storms off, you know he's guilty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 9:53pm
Love shouldn't even be a factor in this. Loving the wrong people and getting hurt is a part of life-- it's NOT an excuse to stay with someone who cheats on you repeatedly and has no respect for your relationship. The fact that you are even questioning whether to be with him or not moves mountains and indicates very clearly that you have no self-esteem. Look, love hurts. Loving someone can be the most painful thing ever, but broken hearts DO heal, and you are only going to ruin your life if you stay with him. It's going to be YOU who is pregnant with his baby next, and guess what? You really won't leave him no matter what he does then. If you really want to imprison yourself by staying with a man like this, go ahead and do it, but realize that YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY and what you see is what you get. He's a cheater and liar. He cheats on you without using protection and he could care less (OBVIOUSLY) if he gets you sick or gives you something that will end your life. This man doesn't love you, and I can assure you that if you give yourself half a chance, you will begin to see things in a different light. You will come to realize that this whole situation is dysfunctional as hell and that you don't want to spend the rest of your life like this or have kids with a man who displays this kind of character.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:27am
boobeetrap,

Its obvious that I didn't come here trying to as you said: "hoping someone on this anonymous message board could tell you who was lying and who was telling the truth." I was stating that I don't know who to believe and not to. I came here to find someone who could give me ADVICE on what to do and get other peoples opinion. Even if I was to move on from this and find another man who is mature and has integrity and self-worth (which you don't even know whether or not he holds any of those qualities) that doesn't ensure that something like this won't happen again. So thanks for the advice(I think).
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:39am

Actually, I think the point many of us are trying to make is that yes it will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:49am
Thank you all for your advice I truly apperciate it. You all have given me something to think about. I do know that you all are telling me the right thing. Thank you and I will use what you all have told me. Thank you very much for your time and advice.

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