sick to my stomach
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| Sun, 06-03-2007 - 12:40am |
Hello. I would greatly appreciate any help and input that you could give to me regarding this sick situation. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. We separated for about 1 year (2004) because of infidelity (both of us had been unfaithful). During the separation I thought we both realized that we really loved each othr and wanted to be with each other only. We reconciled and discussed how much we meant to each other and thanked god that we still had each other "to have and hold". We both swore up and down that we would not hurt each other that way ever again. I meant it. Soon after our reconciliation, I became pregnant. I gave birth in January '07 to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. We were both thrilled. Fast forward to now... I found out 2 days ago that my husbands "ex" is pregnant and claiming that he is the father. She would have to have concieved while I was pregnant and when I thought that he was loving me and only me. He says that she is lying and that he has not done anything with her and could not possibly be the father. He says that she is just jealous and wants to ruin our marriage. She swears that he is the only one she has slept with and that he is the father. I want more than anything to believe him, but this little voice inside my head will not stop telling me not to be a fool. I am sick to my stomach from this, I have been hysterical crying and throwing up for 2 days straight, even thinking about ending my life to get rid of all this pain. I don't feel like I can handle this. What should I do? She is not due until Sept. and there is no possible way I can last like this until then. Please advise me, I am so hurt and desperate for help. Thank you.
Tamara

Tami, I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
The only thing I can suggest is to look at the behaviour of your husband and his ex to try and figure it all out.
For example, does his ex have a history of lying and manipulation? Was your husband's affair with his ex? Has there been any contact between them that you're aware of?
Also, is your husband prepared to insist on a paternity test when the baby is born?
Aisha,
Thank you so much for your response. My husband did cheat on me with her before. He does insist on a paternity test, he even said that if they could test DNA now, before the baby is born he would like to do that. I am sure that she would not go for that though. I can't really figure it out from his behavior, I am trying, but I want so badly for this not to be true, but I just don't know what to believe. She is very manipulating, but I can't imagine anyone being this cruel to make something like this up. I am hurting more than imaginable. Any suggestions?
Tami
I'm not American, so I'm not sure of your paternity testing laws....however, I'd be hopeful that if she named him as father after the baby was born and wanted child support he could contest paternity and insist on testing. Of course, you would have to wait till after the baby was born for that.
Would a manipulative person lie about such a thing? Absolutely! My sister's ex husband told all sorts of lies about her when trying to manipulate the courts' decision re alimony and child custody.
Honey, I know your pain and hes not worth you losing your life for........HELL what you want that other woman raising your baby???? His life will go on........with or with out you......thats just nature.
DNA is a wonder....wonderful thing and IT can be done while she is pregos. You see the genetics of it all blends the father and the mothers dna together, all they have to do is get a sample of the amniotic fluid. She may change her mind when she sees the needle they use on her tummy, LOL, not to mention the fact it could cause her to miscarry.
Tami.........PLEASE make that happen, and no more stupid talk about suicide. Look at that baby.....look at what is out side of the box. NO MAN IS WORTH THAT KIND OF SCENERIO!!!! there is tooooooooo much in this world to love......that baby is #1
Hi, Tami!
Biologist here. It is true that you should wait until the child is born before doing the DNA test--there is risk to the unborn child, and it isn't the baby's fault his mother is making accusations about your husband. There is a noninvasive test available that only requires blood to be drawn from the mother, but it is less than 75% reliable, and is very expensive (the other tests aren't cheap, by the way).
I suggest that the two of you make a firm committment to see a counselor from now until you get the results of the DNA test. That way, both of you will be able to express yourselves to an objective listener, you will feel calmer, and you'll get some work done on your marriage.
Hi Tami,
I'm so sorry sweetie, what an awful thing to have going through your head.
I'm not a biologist, I don't know much about that part of it, but when you asked if someone could be THAT horrible to lie about something like that, absolutely YES.
People will do insane things to get what they want. And if she's a jealous manipulative woman, and she sees that your husband is happy now and she isn't, it's amazing the lengths people will go to when they want someone else to be unhappy too.
I do think it's a wonderful idea for you to see a counselor, even if it's just on your own at first. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your little sweetheart :)
And I think it would be a great idea for you guys to see someone together too, having someone there who has helped people work through issues before is amazingly helpful. They can also help you deal with some of the feelings you're having, and give you some great tools for coping when things seem too overwhelming.
Take care of yourself and post any time you need to, we're all here :)
BIG HUGS!!!
Thank all of you who have taken the time to respond and help me through this very difficult time. I am going to try to find a counselor who takes my insurance and hopefully I will be able to pull through this. Please pray for me that this woman is lying, and that the truth can set us free. Thank you all so much.
Tami