Sick to my stomache!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sick to my stomache!
5
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 5:25pm

A little background....

married with 2 kids. We have had some issues in the past (him being deceitful and basically cheating) we have been thru some therapy and for the most part things have been ok for about a year. Except.. around Feb. I opened a bank statement to his bank (we have a joint acct. but he still has his old bank acct. open) and noticed he had a portion of his income being deposited into this account and withdrawing it. I know (he won't admit this) he smokes pot! So mu assumption is that he is still doing this. It may not seem huge to most but I asked him to stop when I was preggo with our first (about 2 yrs ago) Ive caught him a few times and he just bs's me. Well I also asked him to stop depositing into this acct. and ALL the money should be in our acct. Not to sound greedy but we are struggling as I am a SAHM. I opened another statement today and he is still doing the same thing - even after we talked about it months ago and he promised to stop! It infuriates me that he is being so selfish, watching me struggle to pay our bills while he is pulling this crap behind my back. We have kids and I feel that you can't be selfish like this. What should I do? Is it apparent that he is not going to change and is just a selfish jackass?? HELP! I am going nuts! Thank you for your insight:)

Valerie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 6:14pm

Valerie, I totally understand where you're coming from.


However (and I could be wrong),

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
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Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 8:33pm

Did you know that he smoked pot and lied when you got married? How about the first child and the second child?


Now you want him to be selfless and grow up (basically change). If he wants too, that is great. IF not, then you may find yourself in a position where you don't want the children growing up learning that lying and drugs and spending money you don't have is o.k..


Do you have someone to go and take the kids until you two decide to straighten this out. How about couples and financial counseling while you are living with your parents??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:22pm
I've never asked him why, that's a good suggestion. We have had discussions about it and he claims to agree with me and says that he'll pull the money out and close the account. And he says that he barely ever smokes it's just a little but I don't care a little is too much to me. Even tho he's never done it around our home I still think it's wrong, esp. b/c we are raising children and I want to raise them as healthy well rounded people and all of this is not healthy. I guess when you keep hearing "I'll stop blah blah blah" you stop believing what you hear. His words have no value to me and I think that's horrible. Can that ever change?? I just am at a loss.............
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Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:29pm
Yes I did know but I think I just wanted to believe he'd stop. I know it's naive on my part but I do love him and we have kids so I guess I've just ignored it but I can't anymore. Our children will only grow older and smarter and I don't want them to ever think that this is ok. I just don't know how to fix this or if I even should?? I could go to my parents they are very supportive. But at the same time I wouldn't want to hurt my kids (my son is Daddy's boy). I know this behavior will hurt him too. I don't even know what to think anymore......
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Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:54am

Welcome to the board aidansmommy2006,


For me drugs are the biggest dealbreakers. I absolutely could not be with a man that used any sort of drugs. Plus he is funneling money into a separate bank account and using it for who knows what (is it possible he is taking the money and depositing it into your joint account), while you are struggling to keep the bills paid. This shows a lack of respect for you, your marriage, and your family. Plus he is repeatedly lying to you about all of this.


Ask him to go to marriage counseling with you to address and work on these issues? If he won't and if he doesn't change, than you need to do what is best for you and your children.

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