Simply feeling lost ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2011
Simply feeling lost ...
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 9:40am

Sometimes my husband will come home late from work (not often) - he doesn't call to inform me he'll be later than usual and if I ask what ran him late he basically becomes irritated as though I am a stranger prying into his personal business. When we are in a group of people he'll divulge this information to other people with no hesitations, "Yesterday i got stuck in traffic because of that wreck on the freeway. Did you see that on the news? Another idiot driver allowed to have a license."

If I ask about his day he's cryptic - three sentences or less. When we are in a group of people he won't stop talking - sharing information about the people he had lunch with, what new place he had lunch at, the quality of the food, whether or not his boss aggravated him that day and why. 9 times out of 10 I'm taken by surprise because I didn't even know he made a point to have lunch out with old friends because he never mentions their names to me.

If he gets several texts while I am trying to talk to him I'll ask, "Who's that?" and again he'll act irritated as though I am prying in to his personal business and thus the conversation ends but 15 minutes later he'll be about to walk out the door and in passing will say, "Mark asked me to come down and have a beer with him. Be back in a little while."

Over the summer he altered our shed in to his "man cave". 10 minutes in from work and out there he goes to play guitar or sculpt something out of metal. I won't see him again until he is ready to eat dinner and then it is back out to the shed unless he has made plans with one of the neighbors. If I walk out there to talk with him about anything (ie: car needing an oil change) he acts as though I am taking him away from doing something important. Eventually I give up.

He'll talk a mile a minute with everyone around us but there's a stopwatch attached to me. If I attempt to approach the matter with him he either wants me to concise my words down to three sentences or he immediately takes something I do say personally (which when you have to keep your words short it's not that hard to misunderstand and take offense) and blatantly tunes me out. He considers all of the above to be a mere "quirk" of his and that if I can't accept it then I'm doing nothing more than telling him he isn't who "I" want him to be. I don't see where that applies because if that were the case then why does he share things so easily with everyone else? "I" want to be "everyone else" for a change because I'm starting to feel like I don't know my own husband and after 20 years I think I should know him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 10:03am

Hi, Chloe!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 11:08am

Your DH's behavior is showing you that he doesn't care about you and you are basically an annoyance, although one who cooks him dinner and probably washes his laundry and does other things for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 12:32am

Chloe, why do you still live with this man?