Sleepless and Miserable

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sleepless and Miserable
2
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:54am
Sad story for Wednesday.

I have been going out with a guy for the last 7-1/2 months. We had known each other for a number of years and had always been good friends, had a lot of friends in common and common interests. Things happended and we got together. Everything had been going fine. I'm not one to keep him from doing things with his friends and he pretty much can do what he wants, as I trust him implicitly. However, whenever I suggest we do something, such as going to a bow shoot, shooting, go grab breakfast on a Saturday a.m., etc., he always says he's either on call or will be busy, maybe some other time. Than the next thing I hear is he took off with one of his friends and did exactly what I suggested. There was one instance when I suggested we go to a bow shoot and he said he wanted to wait until he got better with his new bow. Next thing I find out he went with one of his buds. Needless to say that has kind of stuck in my craw. I tried talking to him and telling him how I felt about it (that it kind of hurt that it seemed like I'm the bottom rung on his ladder of priorites and the fact we don't really do much together). In fact, in the time we've been together we've only gone out and done something 8 or 9 times and 4 of those times his friends were with us. A couple weeks ago we got in a rather heated discussion about it when we were at a friends farewell party on a Saturday. We decided we needed to sit down and talk and planned on doing so on Monday. Well, I got over to his place and we hadn't been sitting there for more than ten minutes and in stops one of his buddies. Instead of politely asking him if he could stop back later, invites the guy in, gives him a beer and was the usual vehicles, guns, what's going on at work conversation. After about an hour of that I finally said I had to head home. So, I called and left him a message the next night, saying we still needed to talk and unless I heard different I'd be over on Wednesday night. Well, I got over there and he's over at the neighbors hanging out in the garage and they're planning on going shooting a little later. Once again, no discussion. The next night, he seemed okay, said we still had to talk and I agreed, however, not word one from him. The following Tuesday we were where he was playing horseshoes and he never said more than 5 words to me. It was rather obvious this was going to get dragged on and on, which I didn't want it to. So the next day I sat down and wrote him a note, explaining how I felt, that it wasn't a case of being jealous of his friends, but of feeling hurt and disappointed when I would suggest something, he would say no and than he would turn around and go do what I had suggested with is friends. I also told him I though it was rather foolish that we were more or less standing at arms length right now over this whole matter, especially after the two of us had cared about each other for so many years and had finally gotten together, and that we still needed to talk and to get hold of me. Never called or stopped by. Than last night I went to horshoes, he never said one single word to me. We were supposed to go north of where we live this weekend for a pig roast and listen to several bands with some other people. I even went so far earlier this week to get my own hotel room considering the strain on the relationship right now (not to mention we were going to be sharing the room with one of his friends). At this point, I am not even going to bother to go, as I don't want to be in a strange town getting the cold shoulder from him the entire time.

Right now I'm just tired and miserable. I haven't slept well since this whole thing started. We have so much in common; we both like to read a lot, good music, hunting and fishing and being outside. I don't know what to do at this point. Any suggestions or insight out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 1:15pm
It sounds like you guys are better off being friends. He dosen't really seem to be into the relationship side of things even after you made your feelings clear. He has clearly made no effort to progress things and it wouldn't be healthy for you to continue being with him if you are unhappy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 1:30pm
The whole thing is we were very happy up until this stupid little spat. Everyone said they had never seen the two of us this happy and that we make a great couple. And we've gone through it all together with his son being in Baghdad for the last 15 months (he's now out of there). And now that his son is out of there and home for 30 days he got some idea in his head that I'm jealous of him (which is totally untrue). If anything, I'm estatic he's home and can spend time with his father. I wish I could find out what is going on in his head right now.