slowing down w/out hurting him..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
slowing down w/out hurting him..
5
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:21pm
I have been praying for a guy like the one I am currently seeing and now that I have him I am a little scared..We have been dating for about 2 months and have done alot of fun things together, we enjoy being together, get along great w/ each others friends and family and he is more open than any guy I think I've ever dated. Usually I am wondering where I stand with a guy, how he feels, what he wants. But this guy is so different. We know several of the same peole and everyone has told me what a sweet and great guy he is. It takes me a while to gain trust in people and I guess I'm scared that he is too good to be true. He is not perfect by any means,but he alot of great qualities. I know that I can talk to him about anything, but he seems to be a pretty sensitive guy and I don't want him to take me wanting to slow down just a little bit to mean that I don't want to date him anymore, because I do!..I look forward to seeing him everyday, but I know that he is a little ahead of me in how he is feeling. I like him alot and the more I get to know him the more I like him. In past relationships I have been the one to give and give and never get anything back. With him ,he is always wanting to do little things for me. I feel like he is just as giving as I am and that it is not one sided. How can I slow down w/out hurting him? I don't want to break up or date anybody else and I know that is what he will think
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 6:23pm
MAybe he doesn't expect any emotional investment or involvement - otther than what there is at this time.

Maybe he's just a "giver" because he gets off on being a giver, a provider, a savior, a security blanket..in which case, never fall out of "need" or else he'll fall out of love.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 9:21pm
'I don't want him to take me wanting to slow down just a little bit to mean that I don't want to date him anymore, because I do!..I look forward to seeing him everyday, but I know that he is a little ahead of me in how he is feeling. I like him alot and the more I get to know him the more I like him. '

Have you told him this? You have to talk to the guy you are dating especially if you want things to work out. If you really like him then communicate. Tell him what you told us.

Communication will lessen your anxiety.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:11am
Is it possible that you are just uncomfortable being with someone who showers you with so much attention? Maybe you just aren't accustomed to it. If you have never been with someone like him, it could be overwhelming. Maybe you don't need to slow down, just more time to adjust. Be careful, don't sabotage yourself.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:50am
beware of the givers... they give and give... and they often keep tabs and keep score.

and if you don't keep up... you'll hear about it.

and giving is just a way to make them feel good, not you.

giving can be manipulation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:06pm
I appreciate everyone's post. I agree with parts of what each of you wrote.I truly don't believe that he is being giving just to make himself feel good like a few people said. From what his friend and family say about him, that is just the kind of person that he is, he likes to do nice things for people that he cares about. And I don't see that as a bad thing! We talked about how I was feeling last nite and he said that if I wanted to slow down (ie..not spend as much time together) then he understood and for me to just tell him what I want him to do b/c he doesn't want me to feel pressured or nervous and he doesn't want to scare me away! I realize myself that I am not accustomed to being treated like he has been treating me and it is a bit overwelming, but another part of me could get used to it!..I do feel better about things now and just going to try not to think about it so much and just enjoy it!......thanks........fiddlin'