SNEAKY PORN MAN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
SNEAKY PORN MAN
9
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 4:12pm
problem solved.edited by hurting 2004


Edited 2/7/2004 4:44:56 PM ET by hurting2004

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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 4:24pm
I think that it was wrong of him to hide things from you, but I can see why he did it - this was exactly the reaction he was hoping to avoid. The fact is that there is nothing abnormal about looking at porn. Lots of perfectly normal, happy people do it. As long as he isn't choosing porn over sex with you or he isn't looking at porn so much that he is neglecting his responsibilities, then I don't see that it does any harm. So the man likes to look at naked pictures of women. Most men and quite a few women do too. His looking at porn is in no way a reflection of his feelings for you. It's just fantasy.

My only advice is to realize that looking at porn is a pretty normal thing to do and accept that your husband is a normal man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 4:36pm
IMO, you are totally over-reacting to this. Are you really that shocked? Most men look at porn, and quite a few women, too. It's no big deal! You have a healthy sex life, so that's not an issue. Have you ever looked at porn? Maybe you could try looking with him, and you'll find that it's not so horrifying. It's certainly nothing to make you feel inhuman, that's just ridiculous. It's no wonder he tried to hide it from you, given your reaction! This is not a big deal at all. You need to get a grip and realize that he's just looking at images--it's totally normal and healthy....and fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 5:15pm
I think you first need to take a deep breath and calm down. Try to figure out what is really bothering you more -- the porn, or the fact that he kept it a secret. Secrets in a marriage are bad, but if you have a tendency to fly off the handle and freak out, that might be why he hid it. Logically speaking, if you have a healthy sex life and a relatively happy marriage, and you had no clue that he looked at porn (it didn't manifest itself in his personality) then what difference does it make really? The fact that he likes to look at naked women doesn't reflect on you or your marriage. Men are visual, moreso than women. A lot of men like porn (although I don't know if I'd say "most men" b/c I know a lot who don't). Although I know it's hard, try not to take this personally. He likes to look at pictures, end of story. If your marriage and relationship haven't suffered b/c of it by now, then don't YOU destroy your relationship by being unreasonable about it. That way he'll have a justifiable reason for hiding it from you and you won't be giving him any incentive for being upfront in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 8:20pm
I HAVE A SIMILAR SITUATION, AS I JUST POSTED. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS, HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD AND JUST HAD ANOTHER BABY. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS BEEN GOING TO STRIP CLUBS WITH HIS FRIENDS THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT. I DON'T HAVE ANY ADVICE, BUT I KNOW THE NUMBNESS YOU'RE FEELING AND JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU SUPPORT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 12:08am
Hello! First off I myself believe you have every right to feel as you do. I have seen 1st hand the effects of this situation. I know everyone says it is "normal" & ok I'll admit it is...Does that make it right?NO.As far as I'll ever be concerned we have only been programed to believe this. As far as your feelings go, Tell him you wish to keep it out of the house. Who knows anymore....I see so many of this being posted. To me, I feel like what is good for the goose,is good for the gander. Honestly, instead of letting this get the best of you, If I were you,I would check out "Visual Art" for YOUR viewing pleasure. And believe you me, I know you say that your h looking at these women makes you feel like a zombie but you really should check out the men out there & trust me, I can almost guarentee you will like what you see (in all it's airbrushed glory).lol

Good Luck to you. HUGs!! Keep Posting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:00am
Tanks to everyone who responded to me.Im happy to say things are much better at home.We are more open than ever before.All the advice helped me overcome the hurt I was feeling.THANK YOU ALL! Jamie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:00am
IMO ...up until recently I would have agreed with most of the other response ie: most guys do it try not to freak etc. But lately I confronted my husband about his constant perving and leering at women ( and also porn obsession) . After a long talk he finally explained to me that the reason he feels he wants to look at other women all the time is because he finds their bodies much more appealing than mine ie no stretch marks and saggy boobs (mind u 4 pregnancies can change ur body somewhat)Anyway what Im trying to say is that I think it all depend on his reasons for wanting to loo. Before I always believed the old 'boys wioll be boys but now Im wondering if this is really a manifestation of a husbands disatisfaction with his wife and an insult. Just a thought. PS Either way keep strong and look after number one ...u
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 7:02pm
Thinking of u hope alls ok...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 10:26pm
Thanks,its going good now.

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