SO confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SO confused
3
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:32pm
I have posted here before but no one reponsed so here it goes again. I am been in a relationship with the same guy for 10 years I am 26 years old. I love him with all my heart but he has betrayed my trust and I don;t know how to deal with it. I feel like I am too old for this "high school stuff" anyway for the past few years he has had girls that call him on his cell phone now this really would not be a big deal if he did not hide it from me or I knew these girls were just his friends but I know differnt all this girls have ask him why don;t you leave her and come with me and ya ya so of course that upsets me well the straw that broke the camels back happened this weekend, he works 2nd shift and I usally go to eat dinner with him on THursday nights well I was unable to go last Thursday so I called him and told him to go ahead and go without me, well Sat night we went out and he had been acted a little strange and I know I should not have done this but sometimes you just have to know things there was a receipt laying in the cup holder of the truck so I picked it up and it was from Thursday night and come to find out he had taken another girl to lunch this is a girl that I don't trust at all and I have been told by numerous people don;t trust her, this girl does not work him, he has not know her but maybe a year and she was a girlfriend of an friend of his not a close friend, but this girl I caught him at a night club with her ( yes I went purposely to find it I know i am a terrible person)but he was not going to tell me about having lunch with her and he told me that he ask her if he would like to go to her parents lake house this weekend of couse he didn;t go and she called him alllll weekend should I be worried about this girl? Do I have reason not to trust him I ask him why didn;t he tell her that he was happy with me and why can;t he just tell this girls to stop calling he said because he thinks it funny my question to him was how is it funny to hurt the one you love and said thats not what he meant I am so good to him and I have been so faithful for 10 years no once have I ever done anything and I even pay for our dates every other weekend and he says he is going to marry me but if he acts like this should I just move on it is hard after this long but I just am so sick and tired of crying and worried and I feel terrible because when he leaves to do something without me I wonder if he is really where is says he is . Sorry this is so long and I hope you all don't think I am just terrible person but sometimes a person needs to know things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
In reply to: angelastarr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:11pm
Wow, 10 years, thats quite a long time. If you guys are into your relationship 10 years now its my opinion that you really shouldn't have to put up with that and he should not be making you go through that. Your exactly right when you say this is highschool stuff. When i first started dating this girl a couple months ago she was keeping in touch with exes and hanging out with them as well while really pushing to have a relationship with me. She did not lie to me or hide stuff from me which was great, but knew I did not like her hangin out with these guys. I did not trust these guys because for one they were her exes and the stories that she told me about them made them out to be really shady guys. However, I waited till we were at least a month into our relationship before I said that I didn't like it and I could not have a relationship if that was gonna continue. Thankfully she said that night that she would cut off all ties with these shady guys because having a relationship with me was much more important. She did keep to her word although one guy continued to call her phone constantly and she would just not pick up, but he was obsessive and crazy like that and that was kind of annoying, but better than things had been before. I never really understood why she kept in touch with those guys even after she told me that they were nothing to her and she had no respect for them. I dont think she even really knew. The difference is that she had just graduated highschool so it truely was highschool stuff whereas I'm a little older and think a little more maturely about things. In your situation especially after 10 years you should not have to be putting up with this. Thats my opinion at least, hope I could help out. Tell him how you feel, I mean if you have been with him 10 years then you guys must have a pretty good relationship and will probably be able to work through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: angelastarr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:07pm


angelastarr...

After 10 years of this nonsense...don't you deserve a change???

According to your profile, you want to eventually start a family...well FORGET IT when it comes the man you've been with. Ain't gonna happen.

You've gone past the high school (and college) phase of dating...and you deserve a MAN who will give you attention and not a lot of B.S. Let this turkey start his own harem, but don't YOU be part of it!

You have better things to do with your time. Your 10-year contract with him has expired!

Stop behaving like an "indentured servant...err...girlfriend!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
In reply to: angelastarr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:45pm
the best words I ever heard were "A man who has nothing to hide...hides nothing."

If your man is not telling you things and you have to find out by catching him at the club with another woman or by receipts in his car.......you already know the answers to the questions. There is NO trust and more importantly, he has no respect for you or the 10 years you have given him. GET OUT NOW. I know it's not easy but look how miserable you are. You can't trust him and you certainly cannot trust these other women. Chances are, this girl may not even know you exist. He may very well play himself off as single. You deserve better.