So confused....help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
So confused....help!
8
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 9:36pm
So I've been dating this guy for about 5 months, he pursued me like crazy for almost 1 1/2 years...we work together...we started dating, and things have been going very well. So I bring up the "talk" and now things are distant. He told me about two weeks ago that he loved me and yet still doesn't want to commit. His friends say I need to date other guys to make him realize. I really really like him a lot and I'm just so confused as to how it got to this point....I'm not ready to date anyone else, he and I have so much in common and get along really well....what do i do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 6:19am
Commit to what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 7:54am
huh? i'm just trying to figure out what is going on with him? he say's he wants to be with me but won't commit.tells me he loves me all the time, but yet the phone calls have slowly stopped and we see each other about once a week....i'm just trying to figure out what went wrong and when, esp. when things were going so well!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 1:48pm

Welcome to the board stardazzle2008,


I have the same question - commit to what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 1:55pm
being in a commited relationship together, boyfriend/girlfriend
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 2:17pm
He's probably dating other people
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 2:25pm
If that is what you need and want then maybe he's not the right guy for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 5:01pm
Definitely start dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 8:07pm

Is he seeing other women? Or is he with you exclusively? If he is in an exclusive relationship with you, I would say he has "committed" to you in keeping with your definition of the word. People of my generation equate the word committment with marriage. Today people say they are not "single" when they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. To me, you are single until you are married.

If this guy has pursued you for a long time, and everything has been going really well in the few months that you have been seeing each other, what do you think happened to start to slowly change things? Does one event come to mind? Perhaps the "talk", as you put it? I wonder what you said to him. His reply "I love you but am not ready to commit" sounds like a man who isn't ready to get married. Did you broach the subject of marriage?