SO frustrated with DH!

Avatar for haermoni
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
SO frustrated with DH!
3
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 3:26pm

DH & I have been together since 1998 and married in 2000. I'm 29 & he's 31. We have two boys ages 6 & 2.

I'm getting so frustrated because DH won't do anything productive/progressive. He'll complain about things but won't do anything about it! We need new tires for our vehicle. When it's raining out he'll complain about how bad the vehicle's handling is but won't call around to see how much tires are. We also need new brakes, has he done anything about it?! Of course not! In my opinion the family vehicle's 'issues' should be dealt with by the guy of the house since women most times get 'screwed over' by mechanics. Funny thing is that I know more about cars than DH does.

I care for our two kids during the day and when DH gets home from work, I go to work for a few hours. I take care of the family finances, house cleaning, etc. He always tells me that I make a mess and don't clean up. He feels that if the kids make a mess he shouldn't have to clean it. Instead of getting the kids to do it, he'll just leave it!
When I come home from work, I'm the one that has to make dinner. When he comes home from work he either lays on the couch and watches tv or plays videogames on the computer. When it times to put the kids to bed guess who's doing that? Me! I get put them in the bath, get them ready for bed and read them stories. Don't get me wrong, I love doing that. But I'd like for him to help without me having to ask him!

He gets upset if he can't go out drinking with his buddies (who are all single) on the weekend. Such a waste of money in my opinion! I don't mind if he goes out for a bit but whenever he goes out he comes home at 6am!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 4:44pm

Sounds like your DH enjoys being a baby. He wants you to take care of him and doesn't want to go the extra mile and take on the responsibilities an adult husband takes. The fact that he goes out drinking on the week-ends and stays out until 5 a.m. is crazy. It's inappropriate. Why is this going on? How come you are going along with it? It's not only inappropriate, it's abusive towards you.


You need help with creating appropriate boundaries here and being treated with sufficient respect. You need help in seeing what is and what is not acceptable. Perhaps you are afraid to stand up to him? I don't know exactly what's going on with you, but I suggest you speak to someone and get some help in creating healthy, adult boundaries and in boosting your own sense of deservability and self esteem.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 4:52pm

Hi haermoni and welcome to the board.


Have you considered counseling?

Avatar for haermoni
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 5:36pm

"The fact that he goes out drinking on the week-ends and stays out until 5 a.m. is crazy. It's inappropriate. Why is this going on? How come you are going along with it?"

DH thinks that if I don't 'let' him go out that I'm being controlling. The last time he went out (and all the other times) he promises me that he'll be back no later than 2am (when the bar closes). But of course he doesn't show up til 5am or so. The last time he even promised me that he wouldn't go to a party that I knew was happening. When I woke up at 4am and noticed he wasn't home I called and asked where he was. He lied and told me he was at his buddy's place. I know when he's lying so he admitted that he was at the party but claims he was only there for 1/2 hour! I told him that he has no respect for me. He's attitude is "well I come home don't I?" I think it has a lot to do with him hanging out with single guys. He tries to live vicariously through them and admits it! I've told him that he's 31 not 21 anymore!

Thanks for all your input :-)