So here I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
So here I am
5
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:34pm

I've been posting more on the Divorce&Seperation board because H and I are seperated, but I hope this may be a good place to go too.
This is the second time H and I seperated, and the second time he ran right to another woman. (just hoping he doesn't get this one pregnant too!) Well, it started with a big arguement, and I said I wanted to take some time off from eachother to cool off...just a few days. He decided to twist that and spent the next week coming home from work, taking a shower, and leaving until 4-6am...3 nights he didn't even come home at all. Shut the cell phone off, the whole bit. Well after a week and 1 day of this I came across his car at a bar while I was out, so I decided I had enough and stopped in. He was there with a supposed mutual female friend of ours. So I asked him to come outside and talk to me, and he did, but ended up yelling at me more than anything `you're never going to change, it's over!` so I decided to go to my sisters for a few days...called the house, talked to his mother (who we lived with) and she was sooo sweet to tell me that this OW was spending the night there since I left. Great. So I decided it would probably be best not to go home. This was just over a month ago, and he won't even talk to me, except to ask if he can see the kids and kid chitchat.
So my question is this- how do I get him to talk without pressuring him? Last time this happened we were split up for 6 months before he would give me the time of day. He was just sooo in love with his new woman. Of course I ask myself if it's even worth it, but after 5 years of marriage and 2 kids I'de have a hard time just handing him a divorce without even talking about it!

Clueless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
In reply to: aurakitty
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:50pm

There isn't any way to make your husband talk to you. He obviously has little respect for your marriage so I would suggest you move on with you life. That could also catch his attention if you stop trying to talk to him so much. Play his games but most importantly protect your children.

Frani

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: aurakitty
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:53pm

Are you trying to save your non-marriage? I certainly can't imagine why. See a lawyer, file for divorce, and see how quickly he comes to make sure you don't end up with any of his money.

I hope you aren't thinking you can open his eyes and he will magically become a good husband, because it's apparent that he doesn't have what being a good husband takes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: aurakitty
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:00pm
But I havn't been talking to him, except if it has to do with the kids. Just havn't found a way to approach the subject.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: aurakitty
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:09pm
Just trying to see if this 5 year marriage is possible to save. I certainly don't believe he will 'magically' become a good husband, I believe there is good in all people, and he has been a great father, even if he has fallen short in the husband department. I also still love him, and while I am making a new life for myself without him in it, so I can support my children, I am not going to automatically have no feelings for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: aurakitty
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:33pm
anything you do to 'make him talk' with you, is pressuring him to talk with you. i'm sorry you have to go through this but you need continue with your life without him in it.