so i'm still upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
so i'm still upset
2
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 5:46pm
so, he, whom is my fiance, has no idea why i still remain so upset. he tells me i just need to get over it. well you know what? i would get over it if he understood just how much he upsets me and just how many nerves i have left in my body that can be gratted. he is disrespectful but he can turn it around to make it sound as though it is me whom isn't listening or paying attention but i am. i know i am becuse i can't be loosing my mind that quickly can i? i'm only 23 years old and there's no sign of major mental issuse in my family history. why is it he can't see my point? why is it he doesn't understand why i hold onto this grudge towards him in so many things. why does he think i should just be the same as him and forget about it an hour later as he does? i am so lost and i am so blank. i have no idea what to do next or even how to go about doing anything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:05pm
Basically, everything the guy wants in life - you don't want it.

And you've gotten with him and stayed with him whil ehe pursues his priorities and goals, by his values and standards...and it just "hurts" you all the time on every level.

he's saying - chill out, get laid back, get like me. The way I am is the right way to be, you're wrong.


You're sayinig - get uptight, get anal - get like me. The way Ia m is the right way to be, you're worng.

The thing is each individual's perception of life, self and situations is thier reality - nobodys' "reality" is quite the same - even in the same situation.

You two have no fundamental elements in common...You're always hurt because you're being ignored, dismissed, unincluded, or spurned, and he's frustrated that you're not more attentive, appreciative, and affectionate.

Break up - you can't fix fundamental differences. Becuase here's a reality check...nothing he ever does in the future - is going to erase what he's done in the past.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:30am
funny thing is...i am affectionate as much as he, although i will say the way he shows affection is sometimes hurtfull. he enjoys to pick and pinch and swat and knee me,all the while fondling me, i would rather hug and kiss and cuddle and fondle back. no i don't want to change his past, i could care less about his past before me. i simply want him to straighten out his priorities...put them in the right order. we have a kid together, she needs a stable home. slowly but surely i am wakin up to the fact that it's a possiblity we aren't going to make it together. basis of that is, he can't work in a better place than a film store for 7 dollars an hour, and i'm trying to finish school and work and be a mother. basis is, he can't mow the lawn, weither i get out there and start it or not. basis is, he can't do laudry, the dishes, change a diaper, wake up in the middle of the night for our child, clean the litter box of the cat, empty out the darn ashtray even. his main duty is to eat, sleep, have sex, toilet break, and play on this computer. that's it, so a break-up isn't to far in the future i have noticed.