so many things he did before are gone
Find a Conversation
so many things he did before are gone
| Sat, 09-06-2008 - 11:36pm |
I have a problem with my relationship and i don't what else to do or think so anyone who reads this please i need as many opinions as i can get.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years now and things have changed for the worst it seems.

xldbx, thing is, we all put on our best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship.
true.blue is totally right. It's so easy for everyone to experience the first six months of someone and something inside our unconscious brain goes, "the way he's making me feel is perfect. I feel like I know the complete depth of who he really is."
Then, when the first stage of the relationship wears off, you see what he's really like when he's not infatuated with you. You get to see what his individual life is like, what his personality entails outside of being your lover. And if you're not careful, it's a real shock - like the way babies must feel when they're pushed out of their safe world into a loud, cold, harsh and unfamiliar one. This isn't the guy you recognize, you want the "real" him BACK!
But this is the real him. What you're going through now is called a real relationship, where people have to solve problems together, and be individuals who can stand on their own without living in that infantile world where we are comforted and taken care of. That "connection" you feel with him - when you love him doing things for you without having to be told using language - comes from being a baby when your only signal to your mother was to cry and she would feed you or rock you or change your diaper or whatever. She would just know what to do. But you are an adult now and as comforting as it is to have someone just know, most of the time you will have to ask for what you want, or just give it yourself.
So if you want him to tell you "you're beautiful" more often, let him know. I will say however that I tried this with my guy who is otherwise a really wonderful person, and he still almost never thinks to say it. He does say other things though and he shows his love in other ways. But I want you to know that I understand where you're coming from.
You can help yourself by reading Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and hopefully getting him to read it too. It sounds like it would suit you right now.
Unfortunately it is normal for things to change and for the early excitement and affection to die down. Things can become more "routine" and each party can begin to take the other for granted. It's important to communicate how you feel and also to be listened to and understood. Actually listening to one another and really hearing is crucial if the relationship is to be able to remain satisfying and to grow. Let him know that he needs to stop and become aware of how you are feeling, not only him. This is part of the growth that people have in relationships, learning how to take another person's feelings in and respect them.
Of course it would be wonderful if the two of you could attend a workshop for couples and he could learn some relationship "skills". Right now, he's missing them and you're feeling it. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's that time has passed and things have fallen into a new pattern. Learn how to keep things fresh, to communicate and to keep the romance alive. It take work and dedication, but it can be done.
Best wishes,
Save Your Relationship: The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships
Change The Way Women Think About Men and Find Out What Men Really Think About Relationships
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Welcome to the board xldbx,
It's normal to miss and want some of that feeling of 'I can't get enough of you' that is at the beginning of a relationship.
things are getting staid?
>>Change some things about how you look - you dont have to turn into a slut - make some noticeable but subtle changes in attire, or hair style, or makeup - and do so...even if you guys stay home to watch a movie at night. If you normally wear sweats when you plop on the couch - change it to a cute outfit or something more teddy-like. If you normally wear your hair down...wear it up. If you normally dont wear makeup - just put on some lipstick. I think you get my drift. Once you shock the penis a bit and wake it up...the hugging gene in them gets woken up too.
Gotta say, it might sound harsh but this really does work
harsh?