So much jealous..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
So much jealous..
6
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 6:31am

Hello..


I am with my boyfriend 10 months now and the last 3 months I am afraid to leave him alone, to go for a walk or for a drink with his friends. I am afraid very much that he will go with an other woman. Yesterday we have a conversation about this and he told me that he feels like being in jail..he is not free to do just simple and normal things like to go out with his friends. He cannot afford this situation and if I will not change we will brake up. He loves me very much but he cannot live like a prisoner and I am understanding him. Its up to me to take a decision If I will change or we will break up. I love him very very very much but I don t know if I can really change , if really I have the power

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 9:46am

Get counseling for yourself, find out where these issue's of yours comes from and fix it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 11:01am

patricia,

You do need to change in order to have a satisfying relationship and be able to give one in return. As security is often an acquired trait, can I assume that you are young? I see a lot of teenagers and 20somethings with this problem (I struggled with it as well) and often it is something you grow out of with time and experience. But it is essential to be a trusting, non-crazy person in order to be able to offer a healthy relationship to a man. A guy who senses that he is not free to make his own choices will leave you for his own good. You MUST be able to trust one another if you are going to make it as a couple.

I know it's hard to be the one to decide to change. There's almost something comforting about the thought of him changing FOR you - never talking to another woman, never leaving your side. But in your heart I'm sure you know that's not fair. A person is much more likely to be faithful to you when they know that they have the freedom to decide to be faithful to you, they aren't strong-armed into it.

Do you have a history of trust issues before your boyfriend? Has anything in your relationship with your parents, OR their relationship with one another, either recently or as a child, caused you to feel abandoned or betrayed? This is important.

Your man is at the end of his rope. Can you blame him? It is very wearying when no matter what, you feel like a prisoner and there's nothing you can do to make it better.

Please make an appointment with a counselor or preferably a psychologist ASAP. I can recommend a couple of books if you wish to gradually warm up to the idea of professional help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 4:03pm

Is this the first guy you have felt this way about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 5:14pm
no its not the first guy I feel this way.. Is the second.. The only thing I'm afraid is the betrayal..Is my only fear..!! Otherwise we are in love all the time...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 7:10pm

Welcome to the board patricia_peri,


Has he ever given you any reason to think he would betray you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 6:40pm

Okay..then if you felt this way once before...was it due to any behavior on the bf's part?