So NOT HAPPY

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
So NOT HAPPY
8
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 12:24pm

I am not happy in my relationship and feel as if I am being taken advantage of....I am about to have a breakdown...I have talked to him explained things to him but he just doesn't get it...what do I do????

dd in ct

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:05pm

You've talked to him and he isn't getting it. Therefore, you can expect nothing to change.

Why are you staying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:15pm

I am staying (right now) for many reasons...I need to give it a chance with counsleing etc...my children.....I have no money due to being a nursing student and working PT to pay for the groceries. I need a plan/save some money...is it really that simple? To just pick up and leave? He is not a bad man...he is just a man who just doesn't get it. He will try really hard for a while, actually over-compensate (which drives me nuts.) I am not asking him to everything for me just be part of the package...don't have me going 24/7 and not hlp. Literally his job at home is taking out the garbage...I was even doing the lawn in my "spare" time due to his RA. I can't do it anymore and i shouldn't have to get to this point of breakdown before he gets it? Sorry to vent I just need some advice...thanks.

DD

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:43pm

Is he going to counseling with you?

I'm just saying that if nothing changes, then this is who he is and this is the way he is. You can either accept it, or move on.

If he's going to counseling with you, then yes, I agree you need to give that a try.

As for chores, if you're working part time and he's working full time, then I think you should do more than him. But not everything. He should also be helping care for the children (baths, dinners, homework, etc.) Is there a way he'd agree to doing the baths maybe one or twice a week and homework a day or 2 a week? Maybe if he can start doing little things here and there it would help you out?

As for the lawn, if it's his job, don't do it! Let it grow. He'll get it done when he can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 2:27pm

I am going solo at first my decision...then I am shooting for couple therapy w same therapist....as for doing baths w/the kids he does do it 2 nights a week when I am in class....but sometimes it goes undone...I understand your statment about if nothing changes it is what it is...and I will move on...just need to get my ducks in a row so to speak!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:34pm

Welcome to the board goddessmoon,


Has your counselor given you suggestions on how to approach the conversation with your guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:34pm

I agree with the last post, but how do you start that conversation?
I'm in a similar predicament, but not exactly the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 4:29pm

Hi jenheath,


Same thing, take him for a walk - I feel we are X (drifting apart, whatever). In a relationship I need x, y, z, rather than harp on it, I need to know if we can solve this together so we can both be happy in this relationship, like going to counseling or should we be discussing other options?


The only time I don't recommend this approach, is when there is an addictive personality involved (drugs, alcohol, porn, video games, etc).... they aren't going to change who they are and you can talk and talk, but until they recognize they need to change, even a polite, direct conversation isn't going to cut it.




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:55pm

why are you even still there? he will not change.

get your ducks in a row and go....just like everyone else says. i wouldn't let him knw you already have one foot out the door either...it will just give him a chance to prepare before you do. see a lawyer...see a counselor....save your money.....but don't let him know you are leaving.