So Scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
So Scared!
2
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 5:50pm
Dear Dr. Shoshanna,

I am a young college student. I have been in the best relationship of my life for the past 3 months. We are on the verge of being in love and everything is telling me that she could be the one. About 2 weeks ago we had sex for the first time and just the other day I went to the infirmary at my school because I was feeling ill. I went ahead and got tested for STD's and to my horror I had one. I know that it is not from her bc it is too early for something like this to show up. I was diagnosed with genital warts. The doctor found some bumps in my genital area and results came back positive. I am so scared for my life right now because everything was going perfectly, and now this. I have no idea where to begin. I have this disease which means that I have had this disease for the past 2 weeks as well. This is obviously not something that I can keep from her. How do I tell her, and when I tell her if she wants to have nothing to do with me do I need to leave my present school to avoid the horrible rep? If we are truly in love will she leave me? PS she has only slept with one other person! I brought this disease in from another relationship and I feel horrible. Please save my relationship!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lcfulton
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 6:14pm
Are you having unprotected sex with someone that you barely know? Well, you probably are....because that's how these things get transmitted.

I realize you're emotionally overwrought...but there's feelings nad facts and in this case, they're two entirely different things.

You have to tell her, and she needs to get tested. Unfortunately, genital warts isn't that uncommon, and it's hardly even considered an STD in light of what else is out there. But, she needs to get tested. The reality is - on your campus there are thousands of kids (i fit' s a big campus, and at least a thousand if it is not) that are HIV/AIDS positive.....and from there the percentages can go up or down as to who has a non-curable but non-terminal STD - such as herpes or warts.

So, tell her and let her get tested. Talk to your physician and find out what this requires of you - so that you don't spread it to her if you haven't...and so that you don't spread it to osmeone else. Because statistically speaking, what you two consider love is just "lust and fear of being alone"......and it's not likely to last past your freshman year, if that long.

This particular issue can be contracted and contained orally - so this is going to affect your sex life for the rest of your life......and you need to get specific with your doctor about whether she or any other girl should ever consider giving you oral sex. Because if you're in an outbreak that you're unaware of it just beginning - she's going to contract the disease orally and that is going to affect her in so many ways it's just too vast to consider here.

So, you need to find out as much information as you can about what you've got, what precautions to take, what is and is not possible to get, in short - dissect the myths from the facts.

Tell her, take her to ge tested....hopefully she'll come back negative...but quite likely not.

Breaking up with one another at this point...it could happen, or it might not - but although it sounds cold - that would be the LEAST of the issues to be overly concerned about.

As for your reputation - don't worry about it, realize that you contracted this from someone who a) didn't know they had it and having unprotected sex gave it to you....or b) did know they had it, didn't care about your health and future, and just "wanted to get off" - and so you've got a life complication as a result.

Always use a condom...in your case, it may be a necessity for life. But tell your girlfriend.......she's got a right to know,and if you respect and admire her as a person - you'll go over there this second and tell her.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lcfulton
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:45pm
I agree with everything Erin said. Tell your girlfriend, have her get tested. If she breaks up with you, then that's what happens. Small price to pay considering what you COULD have come up positive for. Look at this as a huge wake up call and a second chance. Use condoms from now on, get tested often.