So stressed with my long-distance marriage, need help and support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
So stressed with my long-distance marriage, need help and support!
7
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 4:08am

Hi, I've posted here before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

This is a really tough situation and I am sorry you are going through it. I would say definitely he is an alcoholic and he is nowhere close to admitting it or being in a position that he would get better. His attitude is terrible about it but that is what addicts do. He will get angry, he might even get physically abusive with you if you were to live together. This seems like a very serious addiction and I would not have the patience or strenght to deal with it. If you don't leave him, you will have some serious difficult times ahead of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

In 2008 you posted about a b/f that was beating you and abusing you.......right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008

No, actually that was a different guy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

I married my DH while he was in the military.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Hi kitty.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
I need him to be honest and care about me too. Now his thing is that if I try to talk about the way I'm feeling (like he resents me) or that I want us to talk more (we had a schedule before but now we don't because Everytime we talk someone comes over in his room and he's got to go before asking me about my day or anything). He says everything is fine and I'm just trying to find problems. He said that I must like chaos and I'm trying to cause it. He said the reason husbands resent their wives is. Because they never talk about ideas or interesting things, they only nag and talk about stuff that we wives need our husbands to do. I til him that as husband and wife we do need to do that but we don't have time to talk about other stuff. I'm so stressed out with this. I feel like the person I married turned into someone else. He said I don't know what he goes through and I don't listen. He's separating himself from me. I said how am I supposed to know if we don't talk. ? I'm going to talk to a counselor next week. I feel like I'm going crazy like every day. This is not healthy for me. I got laid off a month ago and I know that isn't helping my stress level!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Oh kitty, I think you do have a partners here of picking not good partners for yourself. You weren't out of the other one long enough to fix yourself before this one came along with red flags waving at you. That is a classic way to stay in a cycle of not so good partners.

"I feel like the person I married turned into someone else."

You did mention you got married quickly and didn't know him long. I think that it's not that he turned into someone else, it's that you didn't date long enough to see who he really was. People can put on good fronts for 6-12 months easily. I would recommend dating a guy (NOT living together) for at least 2-3 years minimum before you get married. He should have no red flags either. You rushed and didn't get the full picture, nor did you see the red flags. I just think it was an all out mistake.

I am glad you are going to talk to a counselor. Did that take place yet? There are much better guys out there, and it sounds like you could learn some new tools to learn how to spot the duds a mile away.