So undecided!
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| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:18pm |
Over a year ago I moved to the US to live with a man I'd known for three years. I had visited several times beforehand but the move last year was to be permanent. I love him very much and cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else. However, my mother has become ill and I feel that I should go back home to look after her, and there are other family reasons I should go back too. The only thng is if I do that I may not be allowed back into the US for a long time (I've already checked this with Immigration people). My partner is not in a position to leave here, so he can't go with me. If I go I'll feel miserable because I will be missing him so much and worrying about him. But if I stay here, I know that I'll continue to feel unhappy about my family and that will keep eating at our relationship. I've been weighing up the pros and cons for whichever decision I make, but that means little when one is talking about love. Whatever I decide, I will suffer. If I go back my family will be happy but my partner won't. Yet if I stay my partner will be happy but my family won't. Either way I end up miserable. I've had two dreams about returning home and woke up feeling very happy at the prospect. On the other hand, my partner is absolutely wonderful - just in the wrong location :-(
Any suggestions?

Questions-
'if I do that I may not be allowed back into the US for a long time'
Is there any way to get a definitive answer? Especially if a family member is sick.
Which would you regret more? Is your mother going to recover soon- what are the doctor's saying?
Hi jiriji,
What have you decided?
I still can't decide what to do but I've packed up as much of my stuff as I can without it being noticeable, and I have a written plan of what I need to do if I decide to leave here. I'm a coward, I wouldn't be able to tell my partner that I'm going because I know that he would just try to talk me out of it and he's very persuasive!
I'm waiting for some sign or event that will tip the scales one way or the other. But if I'm going to go, it will have to be within the next few weeks before air fares go up.
*sigh*
Where are you from?
If you really love this man, than you shouldn't go. Why don't you go and visit mom then come back? Or monitor your mom's health from here, without ever leaving the US, instead, find ways to have relative in your country to take care of your mom. Do you have family close by? You are in a relationship, and it seems that you both are happy about it. Find a solution.
Good luck
I'm a British citizen. If i leave here before i establish residency i won't be allowed back in for several years... unless the rules change, of course. There is nobody else who can take care of my mother and i don't want her to end up in a nursing home. I'm her only daughter and i feel responsible. I would also feel i had failed her badly if i didn't take care of her.
Yes, i'm in a happy relationship but it won't continue being happy if i'm miserable because i feel i've done the wrong thing.
Your advice was "find a solution". Well, that's why i posted my original message - hoping somebody here could give me a solution. Sometimes it seems to me that i'm in such a no-win situation that the only real solution would be to end it all.
Sorry to sound so gloomy but unfortunately that's how i feel.
I won't be posting here any more or reading any replies.