Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy!!
30
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 4:38pm
I need help and advice. I'm in a serious relationship with a man whom I love very, very dearly. I honestly and totally believe we're soul mates. We've been together for a year and a half, just bought a house together, and I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant with his first child. My family is mostly all up north while his mother, brother, 4 nieces and a nephew all live here in Virginia. The problem is this: Everytime we go to his brothers house his nieces are ALL OVER HIM!!!! The youngest is 10 and is not so much a problem, but the other two are 13 and 15. They hug him when we first get there and from there it's like every 10 or 15 minutes someone has their arms wrapped around him and telling him how much they love him. Now I can appreciate the fact that they love their uncle and are close to him. But I was raised differently. If I were to hang all over any of my uncles, or any male, when I was their age, my mother would have smacked me in my face in front of everyone. I feel it's inappropriate for those young ladies to act like that. And my SO and I have discussed this numerous times. We dont see eye to eye. He thinks I'm just being jealous. I can admit that maybe theres some truth to that but mainly it makes me feel so very uncomfortable to see these teenage girls hanging all over him. They have no respect and no deceny. He tells me "They're just little girls." But they're not. They're 13 and 15. It's to the point where I don't want to go over to his family's house because I don't wanna be put in that uncomfortable position. And his whole family thinks I'm insane for feeling this way. They all say "Maria, he's their uncle. He's known them since they were babies." Oh, so that makes it okay? One more thing I need to mention. Last April we took the oldest niece with us to a Sheryl Crow concert for her birthday. Needless to say, she was walking around holding his hand, walking with her arm around his waist. The woman sitting next to us at the concert asked me if we share him!!!!!!! That right there tells me it's obvious to everyone but him and his family. So am I crazy? Am I just jealous? Am I wrong for feeling this way? And what should I do to overcome this? I don't want to lose the best relationship I've ever had over this but we just can't agree. HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 3:59pm
I feel that probably everything's been said, and then some. I mostly want to mention that I remembered, from reading the vicious posts, why I don't visit this board very often anymore. I also wanted to mention, similar to one other poster, that it is likely a matter of different families having different styles of relating, etc. Generally, I think affection is good and important, but sometimes I think it's a thin veil for grossly inappropriate behavior that sometimes entire families conspire to conceal. It sounds like you're comfortable with your fiance', so I'm guessing it's probably o.k. However, I do know that sometimes people just act and say whatever they feel is in their best interests at the moment even when they don't really mean it. It's just something to think about. Best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 5:09pm
Obviously you have gotten tons of advice, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I have 2 neices, one is 11 one is 15 and our whole family is really close, (yes i'm from Utah, NO we aren't "close" like that) but we have family dinners every sunday and we even just hang out on weekends. When I started dating my husband my 2 nieces were always hugging him and wanted to hang out with him and talk to him on the phone and they'd blush when he would come around. The 15 year old even told her mother she had a crush on him, he is still their favorite uncle now that we are married.

Anyway, I know it's different because he wasn't related by blood, but I was kind of annoying. I totally love them, and they didn't rub up all over him, but sometimes it could get to me, (which I realize now was MY own problem.) The thing is, my mom and sisters were having sex and got pregnant at 15 and grew up really fast, and I was no saint at 15, but my neice, she is VERY innocent and naieve. She's never kissed a boy, doesn't know nearly half of the sexual words out there, goes to church every week and church activities...you get the picture. So where in my situation, it turned out to be innocent, your's might be different.

Maybe the girls don't realize they are doing it? Maybe they do and just can't see how ridiculous they are being. I don't know all the details, if it's more than a crush and hugging look into it. When you talk to him just remain calm, and I'm sure you wouldn't point the finger at anyone. Remind him that he doesn't have to say "Hey, get off me slut!" to the girls, he can simply move away, shorten the hugs, sit YOU on his lap lol. Anything to help them grow out of it.

About the other posters on this bored...just forget them. They are having morality issues with you...talking about the bible and whatnot, and maybe I missed it, but you didn't really bring up anything religious. Their comments took me back to history class, 1700's Denim white Prodistants...we DO have religious freedom ya know. We are in America, we can do and say almost anything we want. If your kids love the guy, and he treats you well, who is to say there is anything wrong? My mother has been married 3 times and I've never thought there was anything horrible about her. She is the best mother in the world, she just had to work out any self issues and issues with others to be happy. Good luck!

sorry this was so long. Lindsay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 5:45pm
No prob, I was pretty blunt and direct too....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:46pm
I agree with Dr S, but would like to add a few comment.

First, a piece of paper does not a relationship make. I have a cousin that has been with the same guy for 20 yrs and they have 3 children. Her man proposes every year, but she does not want to get married. Enough said.

Young teen girls are just exploring their female power, even unconsciously their sexual power. There have been studies that young teen girls that have a strong male influence in their life - someone safe - that gives them appropriate attention, still hugs them, tells them they are beautiful, are less likely to have sex at an early age (looking for love and attention in all the wrong places).

Sometimes strangers see things more clearly than those involved in the situation, while the woman's comment at the concert may have been rude, there was also some truth in it. There does need to be appropriate boundaries set, without these young girls being made to feel bad about themselves.

It's a fine line. I hope this matter gets resolved for all parties involved.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:47am
*Sigh* :-(

Since I see there are 25 posts now, in all fairness, I'll start by saying this: Perhaps if you read the banter between the other posters and MariaJacinda, you were able to excise some common sense of the whole situation. If so, then maybe you are not so incorrigible after all.

If not, what a crying, piteous shame that instead of gleaning some insight from my words, you wholly CONSECRATED MY VERY POINT that the soapbox of self-righteousness you're teetering dangerously on the edge of and trying so vehemently not to fall off has you so NERVOUSLY PREOCCUPIED that your vision is blocked from the fact that you can't see you're digging the grave deeper with your haughty disdain, grossly despicable comments, and perverse outlook of MariaJacinda. These three elements are unequivocally resultant of your closed-minded arrogance AND ignorance. In fact, your unwelcome rudeness has led to the hilarious deterioration of your credibility on the subject at all. Keep digging that grave if you want, but rest utterly assured that I WILL bury you by the end of this discussion. It's pathetic that you are old enough to be my mom, yet I harbor the wisdom to see past my own principles and still lend a helping hand to another without resorting to infantile mud-slinging.

Speaking of which, your quote to me was: "The term "unsophisticated" is often used as an affront by those who lack enough imagination to defend their views." Ivdarian, perhaps in the chaotic crumbling of your invisible pedestal you missed the painstakingly OBVIOUS fact that I orate beautifully. I clearly, concisely laid out my views for all participants to read, absorb, digest, and process in the manner in which they desire. My views are straightforward, my honesty forthcoming. Imagination is one component you DON'T need when you have OBVIOUS TRUTH on your side from the beginning!!! Moreover, your ludicrous inference of my not being equipped to handle this child's-play of a conversation with you once again falls far short of what anyone else on this board would EVER believe as truth!!! Nice try, though. Kudos for the effort. :-)

To quote you again, you said, "From your post, I suspect that you are one of those provincial New Yorkers who pities everyone not fortunate enough to have been raised in your ‘progressive’ environment." I actually think "closed-minded" is too KIND of a term to describe you!!! READ MY ORIGINAL POST AGAIN!!! I clearly stated that both Maria and I, in an effort to be diplomatic, tried to envision that the two families in question were perhaps raised differently because of the different locale. Things like this are simply just not acceptable in New York. Point blank. Good or bad--WHATEVER. That's JUST the way it is. I then proceeded to say she and I then realized it wasn't a New York thing...it was just "good breeding". HOW ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH!!! did you take from that statement that I inferred in even the minutest capacity that I am a provincial New Yorker who pities anyone not progressive enough to be raised in my environment???!!! Wait, let me answer my own question: You have erected a force field of defense so tight, your rigidity disallows YOU to see the world beyond YOUR ENVIRONMENT!!! Classic case study of projection of what YOU know about YOURself to be true---and your feeble, failed attempt to turn it around on me. Your insults of first MariaJacinda for her choices, and then of me for explaining that we should SUPPORT HER RATHER THAN KNOCK HER DOWN have been just a crutch to augment your offensive weaponry. And believe me, with your cut-and-dry disrespect of Maria's feelings from the beginning WITHOUT EVEN TRYING to get a feel for the situation, anyone with half a brain on this thread can, and has formulated their own basis for exacting the truth from your fairy-tale, fictitious, SMALL existence. Remember this: Purposefully hurting another individual, especially one as loving with such a big heart like MariaJacinda lacks class, is shameful, unwarranted, and is UNFORGIVABLE. There IS NO EXCUSE for your snide, snooty, repulsive behavior. I am shocked that your comments have been even permissible thus far!!!!

You brought up your kids in response to my mentioning that in my post. But of course, as in every single one of your posts, you tactfully steered away from the reason I asked if you had kids in the FIRST PLACE. You instead went on to talk about you and your husband LOOKING DOWN on people, I believe you put it as being “dismayed”. AGAIN, what's up with all this?? You're not the Almighty, stop judging for GOODNESS sake!!! I only wondered if you had any girls because I was trying to effect some empathy from you, as anyone in their right mind wouldn't idly stand by and allow their girls to conduct themselves like sluts.

It’s not a moot point that we're in the 21st century, as again you’ll realize if you read the views of other posters. They understand and can appreciate just because Maria is ENGAGED instead of MARRIED does not make her a less worthy person than you of God's love!!!!!! You are absolutely right about one thing: The needs of children DON'T change!!! Understand this: Her children DO come first. Their environment is stable, loving, and structured, with plans for the wedding WELL UNDERWAY. They weren't "dragged" anywhere...it took a VERY long time for Maria to allow another man around her kids after her divorce!!! How DARE you??

And before you even start, don't dare get back on your moral high-horse to judge her for being divorced--she is a survivor of things the Lord has brought her through, that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

You also made the erroneous postulation that Maria's behavior would be considered by many to be offensive, making comments about her bringing her pregnant belly around her fiancé’s family to shove it up their noses. Not one single member of his family is doing anything short of rejoicing for the life which she is about to bring into the world…..a part of their family member, & their soon-to-be in-law!!! That comment was just over the top. As the famously accurate saying goes, assumption just makes you look like an a@#......

Ivdarain, I couldn't tell from your post if you are religious or not, but I'm guessing you are. Being a Christian myself, I just wanted to share something with you. There are ways to constructively speak to someone without hurtling insults. Remember this: The Holy Spirit does not embarrass anyone!!! Additionally, the ONLY ONE we will all have to answer to on Judgment Day is Jesus Himself, not you!!! If you are religious, you're not likely to win many souls for the Kingdom by alienating people from you before the conversation even gets underway!! Just something to think about.

Furthermore, sins are all the same, carrying the same penalty in God's book. God even teaches us that no sin is worse than another in the sense that they are all WRONG in His eyes. That being said, you and I both sin as well, no matter how hard we might try to live as exemplary temples of God's making. So, let's agree not to shove the convoluted opinion that YOU are any better down Maria's throat, ok? God didn't create you better than her, or her better than you!!!!

Lastly to Ivdarian, be very careful what you judge people for. You just never know what might come back to bite you one day. Let me explain. For just one example, when my brothers and sister were all living at home, my mom had a problem with one of my brothers that got into drugs. She had to make the heartbreaking decision to stop enabling him and put him out of the house. Well, the busybody neighbor across the street got wind of this and called my mom flipping out, ranting and raving like a lunatic that my mom was a bad mother. She said these things even though every other soul in the neighborhood all looked up to my mom for her infinite wisdom and unconditional support over the years after touching so many people's lives. My mom quietly explained to her that it was "tough love" and the decision had been heart-wrenching. The neighbor would have none of it. She hung up on my mom after several more cutting remarks. After my brother was kicked out, the Lord intervened. He got off drugs and turned his whole life around. Long story short, the very same neighbor 2 years later had to put HER son out for something much, much worse!!! See what I'm getting at?? "Judge not lest ye be judged". You have NO IDEA what can happen in the future---if one of your daughters or granddaughters may wind up pregnant out of wedlock!!! Would you love them any less?? Of course not.

Krazycatt, your ridiculous, groundless accusation underhandedly suggesting Maria's two children are from TWO different other fathers is mean-spirited, cruel, and almost comical, even. I'm surprised at you, in some other posts you actually seemed like you weren't this sort of rude, judgmental person, but perhaps I was wrong? You also shamefully insinuated she quit taking birth control to trap her fiancé. You explained it away by saying you only called him a “sperm donor” because if he cared he'd stop the behavior that is giving her so much pain. I hate to be a broken record, but READ THE OTHER POSTS!!! The ones where Maria was able to openly discuss her feelings with people who gave a crap to be sensitive to her as a "fellow woman"!!! You and Ivdarian are of the same brand of contemptuous conduct that cements the fact that prejudice and racism are still as alive and rampant as ever in today’s society!!!

Interestingly enough, in all this squabbling no one even thought to consider that at least Maria isn't having an abortion and is KEEPING her baby AND GETTING MARRIED!!! (By the way, I'm not trying to desecrate or be irreverent to anyone else's life choices and/or circumstances. I don't personally believe in abortion, but I don't reserve the right to adjudicate anyone else's decisions.)


While I may or may not agree completely with every single solitary action someone else takes in their own life, I would never DARE judge another man's content of character, nor would I impose my belief system on them just for the sake of being heard. Most especially disconcerting about this is the blatantly evident fact that the nature of Maria’s problem had absolutely nil to do with what the two toxic posters on this board tried to precipitate the discussion into.

Ugh!! Now that I got all that out, a great big hug and a million thanks to the posters on this board that were able to lend support and wisdom to Maria in a TACTFUL, respectful manner!! Let's continue to do so, girls!! :-)



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:07am
I don't have any big fancy amazing words to say, but I would like to give a little reminder. As long as we are talking about sin and judgement...get real. I don't know how religious the OP and ivdarian are, but the way the conversation is turning, it sounds like they are both pretty religious. Also, I don't know about other religions, but I was always taught that the greater sin lays with the person judging the "sinner." I don't care what anyone thinks about Maria's life. She wasn't asking anyway to chip away at every inch of it. She was asking about something she felt would be better taken care of with advice. And you know what? Sometimes people just come here to vent.

"If he loves you he'll change" Guess what? Unless you have a weak minded, gutless...or oppositely, incredible man people don't change like that. They either don't change at all or it takes time. Maria...I have a feeling things will turn out just fine for you, and you deserve it. No one can sit here and tell me how wonderfully moral and religious they are, when they are sitting here juding someone. It's the greater sin to judge, and if you can't find that in your bible, or any other religious book...look harder because it's there. Like Brandy says, I'm not worried about explaining my actions to Ivdarian when I die, and thank goodness for that, because..and i'm TRYING not to judge, but if we all had to answer to her we'd all burn in hell. God is a much kinder and gracious judge, and it's through his grace that we will be forgiven and saved.

Sorry to get all preachy, but I thought as long as the subject was open, lets not forget who is more at fault, the sinner or the person openly and harshly judging them. (PS Maria I don't mean to sit and call you a sinner, I don't think you are! But in essance, you get what i'm saying...you made a mistake but that's better than judging someones right? I hope I didn't offend with all of the sinner remarks)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:18am
brandygurrl,

You may bury me by the end of this discussion, but it will be with an excess of words, not with debating skills. You boast that you "orate beautifully," however none of us will ever know that, since to orate means to speak. Did you mean to use the word "compose?" Your writing is excessively long-winded and redundant. Always remember the first two rules of composition;

#1. Keep it short, concise, and to-the-point.

#2. Never use a big word when a small one will do.

Perhaps your local community college has a Compostion 101 class you could look into.

Anyway, to address your last post; Basically, MariaJacinda left herself wide open and vulnerable to criticism with her first post. She walked right into it. When an adult woman and mother of two young daugters gets pregnant intentionally (see MariaJacinda's post #12), moves in with the guy, THEN plans a big wedding (instead of going down to the justice of the peace and having a simple ceremony) she is freely announcing to the world that she is impulsive, reckless, and juvenile in her thinking. She then feels offended that her man's nieces aren't behaving PROPERLY. This is the pot calling the kettle black.

I can understand your impulse to defend your friend, but MariaJacinda is a big girl now and should be able to withstand censure when she is clearly in the wrong. I disagree with your assertion that all who post on this forum should be supported no matter what they say or do. We do a disservice to others when we look the other way and support their weaker nature. This holds true in our dealings with our families, friends, and co-workers also. No one here implied that she was "less worthy" of God's love, as you asserted I did. That comment was pure hysteria on your part. To point out someone's foolish behavior is NOT equivalent to speaking for God. This forum is not a continuous love-fest, nor should it be.

As to your assurances that the future in-laws are rejoicing over the impending birth, they jolly well had better act like it in front of her. If they don't keep their mouths shut now they know that they could be denied access to the child later. They could be fuming inside (who knows) yet are keeping their fingers crossed and hoping that everything works out in the end. I know that if our son impregnated a woman and brought her around for introductions, we would bite our tongues too.

Another odd claim you make is that Krazycatt and I are evidence of the presence of "prejudice and racism" in society. How you came to this conclusion is a mystery. I fail to see the connection between this discussion and the concept of racism.

Finally, your last paragraph supports MY point. You state "I would never DARE judge another man's content of character, nor would I impose my belief system on them just for the sake of being heard." However, this is EXACTLY what MariaJacinda is trying to do in regards to the two nieces. Think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:58pm
Ivdarian,

*Sighing again* (Or should I say, still)

Your frail, feeble attempts to reproach me once again fall short of actual truth. But as with ALL of your other posts, your need to exercise superiority to depict your disdain of other people just has you creating comedy for us here on this discussion. You are a miserable woman. Your wretched, melancholy attitude is consistently dragging down the morale of those of us that are here trying to build each other up.

Don't try to educate me. I know what the word orate means, as I chose it purposely. If I orate beautifully, it then stands to reason that this would come through in my written prose. Duh!!! (Sorry, had to digress for a minute there.)

Who does, or does not possess “debating skills” is all just a matter of opinion anyway. We all have different styles; that’s what makes us unique. And Ivdarian, you MUST know what opinions are like.....

Needless to say, I wouldn’t bury you with “debating skills”, but simply with the clean, unequivocal truth. Maria deserves our consideration, not verbal abuse and exploitation.

As for the assertion that I was long-winded, perhaps you should attempt to grasp the fact that each point I made deserved due consideration, besides which this is JUST a message board. It's NOT that serious. Had I been writing for review and critique, I would have adjusted my style accordingly.

My words WERE redundant because your ignorance begs the reiteration. Simple as that.

As for your little numbered rules of the pen, if you're a well-read individual you know that people have all different styles of writing, as masses of books since the beginning of time suggest. If I wish to use a big word, that's my prerogative. Your insinuation that this somehow shows a weakness is quite ludicrous. Moreover, did it ever occur to you that these aren't "big words" to me?? This is me. Accept it. Stop policing everyone, MORALLY OR OTHERWISE!!!

Your inflammatory reference that I could learn a thing or two at a "community college" is representative of your sneering self-righteousness of which I speak. The reason I say you are rigid and haughty is because you employ satire to cut other people down to make yourself appear bigger, better, or brighter. It's just morbid.

Whether you choose to admit it or not, yes the implication IS IN PLAIN VIEW OF ALL OF US that you are suggesting Maria is less worthy of God's love for her life choices. You claim my comment on this is pure hysteria, going on to say you're not speaking for God?? It's hysterical to no one but yourself, as you have done NOTHING but play God in your moral fat-trimming ceremony. As I stated in my last post, the Holy Spirit does not embarrass anyone, and there are constructive ways to speak to another woman without having to talk down to her to compensate for your own inadequacies. We all have faults, and GOD is the ONLY JUDGE AND JURY we will stand before!!

You made an inference about the fact that possibly Maria's fiancé’s family are only feigning happiness to appease all parties. Ivdarain, WHY??? do you find it so hard to accept here that NOT EVERYONE looks down on what Maria is doing??? You have no idea of this family's outlook on marriage before children!! Incidentally, they are thrilled the wedding is impending. End of story.

The accusatory undertone that Maria is being flighty or irresponsible for planning for a nice wedding instead of going to the justice of the peace is YOUR OPINION, not gospel.

You said I supported YOUR POINT in my statement, "I would never DARE judge another man's content of character, nor would I impose my belief system on them just for the sake of being heard." I did no such thing. Your explanation of this was that this “judging” is exactly what MariaJacinda is trying to do in regards to the two nieces. This is completely untrue. Maria is not "imposing" anything at all when her beliefs and gut tell her these girls touch in an inappropriate way. Your several references to her "whining" about it are unfounded. The WHOLE POINT HERE is she is being notably careful enough to give due respect and consideration to the feelings of her fiancé, the girls, and even other family members she may possibly offend if she said the wrong thing!!!

Also vital is the fact that even if her S.O. WAS uncomfortable, I'd dare say he would rather deny what he feels rather than have to deal with the red-faced embarrassment of facing these girls in a talking-to about it. That's reason #2 that Maria was seeking some advice here!!

You mentioned it was a mystery to you that I cited your comments in relativity to racism and prejudice being as alive and rampant as ever in today's society. Let me crack the case for you. The correlation is simple: Racism takes its shape in all different ways, often masquerading as "just someone's views and opinions". There is a fine line; I'll give you that. But it's been clearly crossed here, as hateful remarks have been asserted that Maria has all different "baby daddy's", as if she weren't married before and is some type of "low life of society" for other more merit-worthy citizens to be "dismayed" at. Come on. You should be ashamed of yourselves!! Yes, hateful, rude remarks aimed to hurt someone, and contemptuous sneering at someone's beliefs and/or PERSONAL choices as being beneath you ARE a form of prejudice. In fact, this is the most common form of prejudice that exists today.

This particular discussion was begun because the girls' behavior IS out of the ordinary, and Maria sought advice about THIS TOPIC. Point blank. She instead received several barbs and insults intended to crucify her for her life choices. This is just plain ridiculous. Since you aren't contributing anything but negativity to this specific discussion, I would ask that you please remove yourself. Maria has gotten several other responses from people that are cringing at the stinging remarks you and 2 others have made. We would just like to continue the positive energy flow we have been able to elicit over the last several posts, and your judgmental negativity has no place here. You're certainly entitled to your opinion; I don't begrudge you that. But when it's counterproductive to us helping Maria come to a resolution, it's just futile. It's clear you have a venomous opinion of Maria's lifestyle, and I'm afraid we will have to agree to disagree and move on. I, myself, prefer on a message board to stick to the topic of discussion that the member sought advice in the first place. What this has become is disgraceful.



As Maria mentioned early on, it was disconcerting to say the least that such insulting dialogue was found here, when we came to the board with high recommendations. We have reported this shameful behavior to the moderator of the board in an effort to maintain the harmony amongst those of us who don't intentionally want to hurt one another. Best wishes to you.





Edited 9/15/2004 2:21 pm ET ET by brandygurrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:12pm
Quote:

"Also, I don't know about other religions, but I was always taught that the greater sin lays with the person judging the 'sinner.'"

Thank you, Lynmusic, this has been my point exactly!!! Let's all stick to the topic Maria sought our advice for in the first place.

(Preach it if you have to...it's the truth!! *wink* ;-D )

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:48pm
No problem. The bottom line here is this...Maria wants to know how to, TACTFULLY, help the love of her life, the man who treats her and her children good, bow out of an uncomfortable situation. I can't say I think the girls know what they are doing, and he is obviously not comfortable with it, but instead of saying "Honey, you need to get those girls off of you, I'm the boss if you love me do what I say" she wanted advice on how to approach him without 1. embarrassing him, 2. without embarrassing the girls 3. without embarrassing herself and 4. in a way that would show she loves and supports him and will help.

All of this other stuff about judging, name-calling and sinning is just becoming ridiculous. All that it made me realize is that you should be careful who you take advice from. Some ignorant person on an "advice" message board bombards you with stupid, hurtfull and degrading words without even fulling knowing the situation. I know I got involved with the heated conversation, but I must say that it doesn't matter what ivdarian says because guess what? She doesn't matter. No one has to answer to her, no one has to listen to her or read her posts. Maria won't have to face her at judgement day. So in my opinion, we should just stop the fighting, realize that there are TACTFUL people here that want to help her, and she should do what she thinks is best.

Good day ladies! :)

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