(((somebody say something)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
(((somebody say something)))
5
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:06pm
i am not prepared for what is about to happen-

vebal abuse sucks-

my kids are not as bad as he makes them out to be-

they try most of the time-they get reemed constantly-

they will never meet his expectations-

i will never have any harmony-

life sucks-

i am tired of trying-

i am getting desparate for some relief-

today is not a good day-why do i bother trying-

why doesn't he see what is happening to us-

where can i turn-

i am ready to crawl in a deep dark hole-

i hope somebody responds-

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:52pm
you need to breathe and relex your kids should be first and you need to leave this person alone look how he is making you sound contact a help shelter if you have no where to go please just get out
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:46pm
Give us more information, I would like more to go on.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:05pm
i guess a month or so ago i just got fed up. since then i have decided that i was not going to allow him to bulldoze his way around. his boss has threatened to send him to anger mgmt. now, i guess i am walking the walk and it's gettin scary. the reality is i love him. it's not that the kids don't need to be held responsible, it's the way he wants to do it. like it is to my benefit as well that they be picked up from school vs walking home cause then they have more time to get everything done-i would not use it as a punishment to make them walk home -do we have to make a big deal out of everything and have an arguement over dinner. i have tried to break this cycle. but it always turns into so much more. he came home from work (he usu works right here where we live) and took the baby to the park-something he hasn't done in a long time-i told her yesterday we would go today-he commented this morning that i'd end up not taking her-so now he decides to play good daddy---eeeww--i know later he will say something about me not already taking her--anyway--he says his issue is that i defend them the instant he says something--well probably-- i've grown accustomed to him jumping down there throats calling them names and dogging them-then grounding them for a month cause on monday she forgot to turn the dishwasher on, tuesday she missed a spot when vacuuming, wednesday she didn't like what we were having for dinner so ate soup instead........

i guess i am saying that if he can't change i'm done--and he's saying if i won't stop defending all their screw ups he's done

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:55pm
I'm no expert, but a step-parent (or parent) should not be attacking kids verbally when they make a mistake. What kind of parent would _not_ protect her child the minute they are attacked? No one should name-call or "dog" someone; that's not a mature or positive way to deal with kids or anyone. Counseling - for all of you - might also help. It sounds like there is more to it all than just kids who are misbehaving. For the time being, it might help both your DH and your kids if the rules in your house (sounds like there are many) are written out and whatever consequences there are, are written as well. That way there's no reason for name-calling or nagging or overbearing punishments because of minor slip-ups like forgetting to turn on the dishwasher. Personally, I don't see things like forgetting to turn on the dishwasher or missing a spot while vacumming as wrong-doings. They're just mistakes, and kids shouldn't be punished for making mistakes. If anything, your DH's attitude towards your children probably lead to a lot of resentment on their part and hardly a willingness to do their best around the house.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:54am
honey get out of that relationship, i was a child who lived with a step-father for over 13 years, my father used to tell me the same things i was stupid and i will never be anything out of life and he is the only father i knew he raised me since i was 2 and as i started getting older it got worst, i could never do anything right, and i became suicidle and ended up in a mental hospital when i was 14 years old, and my mother wouldn't leave him cause he supported us. and he was never physically abusive with my mother but he was very verbal abusive and sometimes that can be as bad, she finally left him when i was 16 years old and i am 24 yrs old now and certain things still affect me i always flinch when people start yelling and i get scared and when i can't do things i always fell like i am stupid etc. the best thing to do is think of yourself and your kids right now or possibly seeing if he needs conseling and if he would be willing to see a conselor. wish you the best of luck and god bless.