Someone help me!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Someone help me!!!!!!
6
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 9:07pm
I'm so confused and upset. I don't know what to think. Well here it goes my heart. I meet this guy when I was 12(I'm 32 now)(Ray). We been off and on for years. More there when we need each other then anything else. In 1995 I blow it and walked away. And ran off and got married to another man. Ray moved to Hawaii w/ his girl. He can home in 2000 told me i broke his heart and he was not happy. So Needless to say my marrage did nnot last after that. He came home 2 years ago and stayed with me for 2 wonderful weeks. He said he need time in Hawaii to save money to move home and he did a year later. He has been in mine and my son's life for a year know but he has not told his parents or his friends. If we are on the phone he won't say he loves me. He says he doesn't want to deal with the questions that they will ask. He treats me like gold and is great with my son. I just don't know how to take this. I'm thinking maybe he just not ready for this but you know i really want more. Everyone keeps telling my to just go with it and give him time but it's been a year. I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 10:56pm
Is he still with someone? You mentioned a girl. I wasn't sure.

Maybe he is afraid his heart is going to get broken again? You will have to go slow at his pace. Maybe you can find a way to ask him how he feels now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:38pm
I agree w/ the previous posting. Is it possible he may still be hurt? You noted in your posting, "he said I broke his heart." That is a pretty huge thing to feel, and although he obviously loves you by moving back and being wonderful to you and your son, it would seem like he is still dealing w/ the past. It could take time to work through that and begin to trust you with his heart again. Telling others about you, although it may seem unfair that he doesn't, perhaps doing so could make him feel vulnerable. Talking about those emotions, feelings from the past that may be affecting the present, is part of healing. Have you considered attending counseling together, if that is not an option there are some great books out there that couples can read together w/ activites that can help them begin talking about difficult things, such as perhaps his pain from the past? It sounds as though you dealt with alot in the past too. Do you have any pain from it that you still feel? Something like counseling/books may help you to begin to share your feelings w/ him too. Best of Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 4:04pm
He's been in your life for 1 year and you are still hidden from the rest of the world, right? This is a HUGE red flag. Both of you have different expectations in this relationship and they aren't matching.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 9:40am
NO there is no other girl she lives in hawaii. We are in Philadelphia. He does feel really bad about leaving her the way he did. But he was home sick. And moved home I told him I thought he need some time alone to figure out what he want (this was abbout 6 months ago) Then he ask if that was what I wanted and I said no but if he need it i understand and he said no that he was happy with the way thinks are . I hope I'm making some kind of sence

Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 9:51am
my biggest problem was his ex that lives in Hawaii she was calling him all the time. and he would not tell anything about us. He did not want to hurt her anymore and i understand that. And he needs to deal with his past and he says he not read But a funny thing he told me he would tell her in his own way and the phone cals are only coming about very 2 weeks now. I think he did say something to her. So I'm just letting it go and see what happens But i know he not going back to Hawaii anyime soon he bought a house yeaterday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 9:55am
Well they know about me. And he takes my son to see his Dad. (watches him when I work) And he is slowly changing he just asked if i wanted to spend the weekend with his friends at folk feast I guess he just needs time