Someone Help Me Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Someone Help Me Please!
12
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 2:59pm
I've been with my boyfriend 8yrs in July 08. He is 40 has never been married,no kids and to be honest I'm his 1st real relationship.
On the other hand,I was married at 18.
I have 2 adult daughters and have had more than one real relationship.
I'm 43 and still HOT!
Many people think I'm in my 20's but it's just good genes and working out all my life.
We moved in together 15mths ago. Still! No ring,no proposal.I'm in my prime I could have sex with him everyday if possible,but not realistic. I don't excepted him to either. Him,once every other week,if that!
He's in perfect shape,he's a Personal Trainer and has no medical problems if you know what I mean? When we 1st started dating it was great. He was very romantic and spontaneous. I know after a certain time in a relationship that there is a change. It's a natural thing cause love goes thru different stages and I understand all that. I'v always been pretty at ease with my sexuality. No hang ups,no body image issues. I'm very free and open to most things when it comes between my man and me. The majority of the time I would plan sexy nights for him and I. For 6 yrs. we would be only able to make love on weekends due to our work schedules and because we lived a part. Occasionally,on a week day. But after a while even one time a week was becoming a thing of the past. When I would try to talk to him about it he would get very defensive. It got to the point that no matter how I'd try to live with it. It was just build up inside till one day I would just explode. That lead to big arguments and even a 2 1/2mths. break up that he asked for. I have to say, during those 2 1/2 mths. was the most heartbreaking,painful time in our relationship. But I was so angry at him that even though he tried to write me via e-mail. My pride wouldn't let me answer even though I was slowly dying inside. Finally one day I answered his e-mail and we got back together. The sex was back again like in the beginning but slowly it returned to the once every 2 weeks issue. But I never brought it up again in fear that it would cause another break up and maybe a permanent one. When he finally made a decision for us to move in together. I thought that maybe then we would make love more because we'd spend more time together. At 1st it was good then he went back to the ole' routine. I would do everything to get he's interest. Don't get me wrong he loves holding my hand when we walk or we are just sitting. He's very playful and fun loving which I love about him. But actual love making is like a mission to be accomplished!I dress sexy for him and surprise him sexy text messages. Sometimes he response and sometimes he doesn't. Most of the time he just plain ignores my advances. When he rejects me it makes me feel as if I'm not good enough. One day when he wasn't home he forgot to close down he's computer.I found that he had been watching porn a lot of porn.
I was able to get his password,so everyday I'd check to see if he'd been watching.I found 100 clips. When confronted he'd get upset and we get in to really bad arguments. I feel he doesn't want to admit that this has been a problem for a long time. The only reason now is that I know of it and I see why there is a difference in our sex life. He has a fetish for,"Big Booty" women and men with "Big *ocks". What the hell?? I have a nice size,round behind,but I can't compete with these women. I feel in adequate! He rather watch porn than have sex with me. I'm HOT in bed,I'm game. I wear sexy lingerie do what he likes. So why? Help me please! I'm in so much pain over this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:46am

Thanks Carrie,

They have gotten better...I'm really pleased.
I'll keep you posted.

Take care,
Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:14pm

I have yet to read that board,trust me I will.
I'm feeling more and more optimistic. He has agreed to see a couples counselor.
So we can be able to deal with this issue without it escalating to a huge conflict.
Actually,one of the reasons I was feeling really bad is because,we had lost our spontaneity.
I believe it's from the porn. Yesterday he came home from lunch and seduced me!
It was fantastic...what I'd been wanting and asking for a long time.
I guess he was really listening the other night when I poured out my heart to him.
So let's see what happens,hopefully with counseling and communication.
There might be a happy ending to this story.

Thank you for your message,"magentablue".

Melissa,

Pages