SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!
3
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 11:11am
I am going out of my mind! To make a long story short, I have been going out with my boyfriend/ ex-boyfriend for three years now. For the first year together I did things and didn't tell him about it. I lied to him about where I was and what I was doing... I went out with a couple of friends, i drove them without a license and they were drinking in the back. We did that atleast on 4 different occassions. I started college this year. In my second semester, around February 1st, I went out for the weekend with a couple of girls and a guy at one of the campus apartment suites. I ended up falling asleep in a bed with another guy. We just talked and fell asleep. I promise on my life that I didnt do anything with him. we pretneded to wrestle standing up and he fell into my bed and I was stupid and told him he could stay but when we fell asleep there was no contact or anything. Well, after that weekend I told him lies to try to comfort him.... it took me a month till i finally felt so guilty to tell him the truth. He didn't believe me and he still doesn't. Well, two nights ago... I started thinking of all the things I did the first year we were together and i choked up... I had to tell him. When I did i left something out... nto on purpose... but because i couldnt remember... i didnt remember it. he ended up hearing about it from a friend he saw yesterday. yesterday before he spoke to his friend he said that we would try and work things out... we'll give it time and see if it works out. After he found out there was another occassion that I went out with my friends... he said it was over. I keep telling him that Im not the same person I was then and he keeps telling me that i was the same person as of a month and a half ago when i told him everything about the night in the suite. I told him im not the same since then and Im not!!! I want to spend the rest of my life with him. i want to tell him everything about everything and not hide anything form him. I love him with all my heart and i want to be with him forever. I spoke to him this morning and he said he wants nothing to do with me anymore. All he can think about is if there is more and i just havent told him. I understand that I deserve everything im getting... But i still want him... I can't be with him. I told him that im not the same person but he doesnt want to give me another chance. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I need to give him time, i know because he is still angry but i... i love him so much and he keeps saying that i didnt love him then... I put myself here and i dont know what to do anymore. Can someone help me... please!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:32pm
jenn...

Unless you quit with all the lies...how do you expect anybody to believe you?

You might feel that YOU have changed, but to the outside world...those changes aren't very clear. You can't expect people to notice a difference in your personality (and honesty) if they've only seen one side of you!

With this guy...let him have his space! If he wants nothing more to do with you, there's NOTHING you can say that'll change his mind! You can only push yourself on a person so much before he says: "ENOUGH ALREADY!"

Instead of trying to preserve a relationship that might be dead in the water...why not try and readjust "jenn" a little? If there's a side of you that you wish others to see, SHOW THEM THAT SIDE! Don't do this because you're trying to impress one or two individuals. Do this because you believe "a change will do you good!" (And yes...I'm quoting Sheryl Crowe here).

Best of luck in your transformation.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:47pm
I know what your saying, i see it, i read it and i even understand it. But i dont want to be without him! I dont have many friends... i havent lied like this to anyone except him. And now he left me... and i have nothing to prove to anyone. I didnt even get the chance to show him that i have changed... i know i have. I know that im the person that i wanted to be after all those incidents... i want to be with him! i cant be without him
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 3:04pm

You are young, and in college. And you are learning what it is like to be a responsible adult, and unfortunately, your ex taught you a lesson. It isn't your time to be with him right now, as he has put up boundaries between the two of you, but you caused them.


Accept your mistakes, but now is your chance to make the best of it. Become a better person because of it, work on you. If you don't do this, than you will continue to lie. I am unclear if the problem was you lying or partying, or both?! Anyway, do things for you, realize who you are. You see, when we are in our 20s, especially in our early 20s (or maybe before our 20s, not sure how old you are), there is so much growth. This is what this time period is about, finding out who you are. You will go through a lot of things like this, and a lot of growth and re-evaluation of friendships, lovers, family, career, education, EVERYTHING. However, it is difficult, but it is going to be more difficult if you don't learn how to be a genuine person.


Suck it up, you made a mistake, and now you are suffering the consequences. Make this situation better by looking into yourself, and building a better you. If you need any help or resources or ideas in doing this, please let me know. But, you continually hurt him, so release him and take the energy that you normally focus on him, and bring it back to yourself.

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"