SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!
2
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 7:42pm
I AM A 22 YEAR OLD WIFE OF A MARINE AND A NEW MOTHER OF A BEAUTIFUL 3 MONTH BABY. FIRST, HERE'S A LITTLE BACKGROUND IFORMATION, MY HUSBAND LIVES IN NORTH CAROLINA ON BASE, WHILE I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS WITH MY PARENTS. MY HUSBAND'S 4 YEAR CONTRACT IS UP IN AUGUST, HE PLANNED TO MOVE IN WITH US SO WE CAN SAVE UP FOR A HOUSE OF OUR OWN.

RECENTLY, I DISCOVERED THAT MY HUSBAND WAS CHEATING ON ME. HE HAD AN AFFAIR THAT LASTED TWO WEEKS. I AM SO HURT AND ANGRY, I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO. IT CRUSHES ME, I WAS TOXEMIC WHILE I WAS PREGNANT SO I WAS INDUCED, I WAS SO BAD, I ALMOST DIED. I STAY AT HOME AND TAKE CARE OF OUR SON, SO I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO SIT AND CHAT ON THE PHONE LIKE HE WANTED. ALL OF THESE THINGS I WOULD THINK THAT WOULD MAKE HIM APPRECIATE ME ALL THE MORE, BOY WAS I WRONG.

OUR 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY IS COMING UP ON MAY 25. AT FIRST, I WAS ADAMENT ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE, I FOUND OUT ON A SUNDAY AND SWORE I'D FIND AND CALL A LAYWER ON MONDAY MORNING. NOW, I'M NOT SO SURE. I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER FORGIVE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE I WAS 16 YEARS OLD. THROUGH OUR RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING AND HAVE COME OUT STRONGER THAN EVER, SO I THOUGHT. HE WENT OVERSEAS TO IRAQ AND HASN'T TRULY BEEN THE SAME EVER SINCE. I THOUGHT IN TIME, HE WOULD BE BACK TO THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH, BUT THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.

IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO SEE OUR FIRST CHILD BORN, HE HAD TO KEEP SWITCHING COMPANIES SO THAT HE WOULDN'T GO OVERSEAS. ALL OF HIS FRIENDS WENT BACK TO IRAQ IN MARCH. A FEW HAVE DIED AND MANY HAVE BEEN WOUNDED, NOW HE FELT SO MUCH GUILT BECAUSE HE WASN'T THERE. ONE OF THE MARINES THAT CAME HOME WOUNDED RECENTLY ACTUALLY SAID TO HIM "I WISH YOU WERE THERE, IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME HE WAS HOME.

NOW, I AM NOT MAKING ANY EXCUSES FOR WHAT HE DID, IT WAS INEXUSABLE, HE SHOWED ME A LACK OF LOVE, LOYALTY AND RESPECT BY DOING WHAT HE DID. HE KNOWS IT, HE KEEPS TELLING ME HOW SORRY HE IS AND HOW "WE" CAN GET THROUGH THIS IF WE TRIED. I HAVE TOLD HIM THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. BUT DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART I THINK THAT HE IS THE SAME MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH AND DON'T WANT TO THROW EVERYTHING AWAY IF HE IS WORTH IT. WE ALSO HAVE A NEW BABY WHOM HE ADORES AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP NOT IN HIS FAMILY. ALTHOUGH, I DON'T THINK THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO BEAR THE BURDEN OF AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF MY SON. HE'D BE BETTER OFF IF I WAS TRULY HAPPY.

I'M NOT SURE WHO TO TURN TO, I'M NOT READY TO TALK TO MY HUSBAND, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BELIEVE I DESERVE BETTER, WHICH I DO, BUT AREN'T THINKING OF US AS A COUPLE, THEY'RE THINKING OF ME, WHO HAS A BROKEN HEART. CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ADVICE FROM HEARING MY STORY? IF SO, I'D APPRECIATE IT. THANKS SO MUCH...

BROKEN HEARTED IN MASSACHUSETTS,

HEATHER

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 9:26pm
Rebuilding trust and figuring out why it happened in the first place, takes a lot of hard work. Most couples can't do it without counseling. If you want to try, make going to marriage counseling a condition for trying to work it out with him.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 5:36am
This is only what I know from my own experience. I am not by any means a relationship expert, but, I do know that just because a man says he's sorry, and that WE can work it out together, doesn't mean that he will stop cheating. Also, a divorce doesn't mean that the father can't be in his childs life. He cheated once and unless you are a very stong and confident woman that doubt and mistrust will always be there. Let me tell you that it is a much better feeling to be divorced than to wonder what he's up to when he's not there. Only you can make the decision. Go with what is right for you. If you think that he is genuinely sorry and won't do it again and if you think that you won't be insecure and suspicious of his actions then go for it. But, if there is any doubt that he will be faithful, remember that it is easier to be apart from him and know for sure that he may be cheating but he is not cheating on you.