Someone please help..I am so lonely!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Someone please help..I am so lonely!
12
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 11:47am
My husband and I got married at 19. We have been married for 16 years. We are truely best friends. Overall he treats me great. He is very sweet, caring, understanding, he is a wonderful father to our 11 year old child, and shares in all of the parental responsibilities that exist with a pre-teen. The three of us have a lot fun together. The problem? We have not had sex for 1 year and 7 months. He hasn't hugged me, or said he loves me, or so much as touch me when we pass, without it being initiated by me. I keep in shape, I am 5.10 and wear a Junior 11/12. Another thing I had implants in 11/02 he has not once touched them. He brags about them. He was all for the surgery.I also find porn on his PC. Normally I would not care but now I feel so unattractive and I am so insecure. I can't believe the things I once found to be so minor, now are so hurtful because I feel so unattractive. I have talked with him until I am blue in the face. He says he still finds me attractive, that he still desires me. But,after each of these talks I always feel good and positive. Nothing happens. Now I am to the point where I am angry inside. i do not want to be around him. I find it more ralxing o be alone. The thought of being with somelse gets more inviting. Recently, I have had the pleasure of being reminded that men find me attractive as hell. That was a nice reminder. Yet, he has no clue. He is so secure in our realtionship to the point of taking advantage of it. He knows where i am at all times and vice versa, but he will stop at the bars on the way home for a drink with his friends, if I did that he would be blown away. So, what to do. Half the time I fell I have no right to complain because he is very good to me. But I ache for a hug, or a kiss or even a hand on my shoulder as he walks by.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 3:00am

hugs honey! i know all about being in a marriage with no sex, have been in a seven year, no sex marriage. its VERY difficult and VERY painful. (of course, my case is different, because we were definately NOT best friends, and there were many other issues, and i am now in the process of getting divorced).


it sounds like you have a good basis for your marriage but you probably have some communication issues. i don't know if its the implants or not, could be, could be coincidence. but 19 months with NO SEX or NO TOUCHING means that there is

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 6:03am
I know he will not go to outside help. I am truley not sure about me. Part of me trusts in what he says, that he does love me, he is in love with me, that he does desire me, and the other 1/2 is at the point of "whatever". My fear is that I am merely a mother to his child, pool keeper, car washer, laudromat, accountant, landscaper, home improvemnt...I do it all. I fear that me beginning just not to care, will then pull us further apart, my anger will grow, and in walks someone who thinks he is so funny, and HOT, and hangs on his every word, and understands him, then I he leaves me. I don't know. I am going to put this to rest for now.Thank you all for your words and suggestions.

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