Is something wrong with this picture?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Is something wrong with this picture?
1
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 3:44pm
OK. So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and for most of the relationship, we've been dating long-distance. Everything was going well, though and we were really happy. About two months ago, while I was visiting him, he asked me to marry him. Of course I was excited and happy and looking forward to a life together. Then, and here's what blows my mind, he says that he doesn't want to call it "being engaged". He wants to "be committed", instead. Does this seem peculiar to anyone else? Now, two months later, he's acting as if we're just friends. He doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me and when he does, it's usually after he's spent a good long time with his college friends. I've been noticing that he'll spend days with them and then see me for a few hours before rushing off to see his other friends. My gut is telling me that he's avoiding me, but he insists he's not and yet can't give any reason why his friends' plans are more important than our plans. Yes, he's skipped out on a lot of plans with me to spend time with his friends and the only thing he can come up with to say is that his friends have special plans and he already told them he'd go with them. Usually, though, they just sit and drink or go to parties. (no, I'm never invited). So, someone help me with this. Am I being too needy? is he really trying to avoid me? Does he not want to tell me he'd rather break up? I know this is long and probably somewhat confusing, but I could really use some help/advice/suggestions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 5:49pm
I think he is having second thoughts about the relationship and the commitment/engagement. You have to give him his space. You have to allow him to either come back in full force or to drift away.

In the mean time you have to keep yourself busy. Try to see the time apart as a positive to help him miss you and realize what he has with you. At the same time, do not be at his beckon call - be a little busy and just available at the drop of a hat.

If he does come back, I would urge you to try to have a more normal, not long distance relationshiop to see if he really would fulfill your needs for a future. Would you want to have children with him? Would you want your children to be like him? Are you really compatible.

His waffling may be a blessing in disguise - it will help you get a more clear picture in your head about what you should do.

Good luck. I know this isn't easy.