Soon to be married..maybe! HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Soon to be married..maybe! HELP!!!
27
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 4:12pm

Hello: Okay so I was with Kevin for about four months during late mid 2007.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 5:01pm

Welcome to the board life_is_great_08,


Obviously, you need to figure out who you want to be with. I think you need to end all contact with Kevin. Being in contact with him right now is only making you want him more and want Scott less. I would also consider getting some counseling to help you make your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 6:23pm
It is not too late to stop the wedding if that is what you really want to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 6:26pm

Step 1: Cut Kevin out of your life. His time with you is over. You couldn't hack it as a couple after only four months together and that says something important that you should pay attention to. Just because you miss someone does not mean that you are meant to be with them.
Step 2: Call off the wedding. Today. It's not right for you to go through with a marriage feeling the way you do, and the longer you let an engagement go on under these circumstances the worse off you will be and the more hurt Scott will become. Take some serious time to think about what you want from your life. You really have not known Scott very long. Taking it slower will make you more sure of what your decision is when it happens.
Step 3: Find a counselor who can help you identify your short- and long-term goals for yourself and for your ideal partner.

"Scott does not deserve any of this. I would die if I hurt him"
Then you should realize the way you're carrying on with Kevin is extremely wrong. If talking with Kevin is something that you absolutely must do, then you need to let Scott go for good because you're right, he really doesn't deserve a girl who does this to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 9:08pm
If you are often daydreaming about another man, whether he is the right guy for you or not, then your fiance is not the one. Tell him before you spend any more money and energy on wedding planning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 9:31pm

Welcome to the board life_is_great_08,


As long as you are in contact with Kevin, you are having an emotional affair....how sad for Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 7:22am

"Okay so I was with Kevin for about four months during late mid 2007"


"After Kevin I met, Scott, and we are now engaged to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 9:10am

I know everything you guys / girls are saying makes complete sense.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 9:53am

The answer is not obvious, if you're having serious questions about Scott and having feelings for Kevin your feelings are telling you something. The answer that is clear is that you need to go and get some help to work these feelings through. A marriage is a huge choice and decision and it's for a lifetime, (hopefully). Just because others like Scott and even because you do, does not mean he's right for you. Look carefully at these problems which have arisen. See if he is willing to work out his end of them as well. In a healthy, successful relationship both parties have to face what's going on and be willing to deal with the issues that arise constructively. Jealousy is not good. It needs to be understood and worked through. So, rather than run one way or another, stop and take a good look (with a fine therapist or possibly even couples therapist) at what's going on in your relationship with Scott. Don't jump into a marriage in the middle of conflict.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 11:07am

No one said you are a bad person


Why choose between two men that aren't right for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 11:13am

I just feel like a bad person, for doing this to Scott, he doesn't deserve any of this.

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