the spark is gone....
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the spark is gone....
| Sun, 01-27-2008 - 9:36am |
my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and living together for about half of that. we get along great we love each other very much.

"so does he not want to be with me anymore or what?"
I can't answer that for you, only he can.
Unfortunately you probably moved in together before you were really able to see what your relationship dynamic is like. That usually kicks in after a year, year and a half or so. It's when you develop sort of a routine, not always a bad one, and see one another for who you really are when that initial chemistry wears off.
Living together is the fastest way to get rid of that initial spark. When that happens, you can either love it or hate it, but you learn a lot about one another. I think you're finding out that your boyfriend is much more independent than you thought.
"he kept saying i do too much for him and hes his own person and is going to do what he wants when he wants whatever he wants."
That's a sign of him feeling trapped. He needs to take care of himself, and I can guess that he probably feels "mothered" by you. That is an extremely bad thing. You need to give him more space as an individual to take care of his own problems. I think your boyfriend is trying to express a healthy sentiment but it's coming out, like you suggest, the way you talk down to a friend.
I don't know if this guy still wants to be in a relationship with you. Try not to lose sight of the girl he fell in love with, fun and easygoing, and give him a little more free rein to be the person he enjoys being.
Welcome to the board confused111,
Do you have interests and friends outside of the relationship? When is the last time you did something with your friends?
The first year of a relationship, in my opinion, should NOT be the hardest. However, it is difficult transitioning into living together (which is why you shouldn't live together until at least a year down the road, but that, again, is just my opinion).
Since you see your boyfriend so often, being that you live in the same house now, try to realize that he needs to go out MORE without you, since he comes home to you every night. He needs to feel independent. He needs to feel like he is his own person and not losing his identity. No matter how great of a couple you are, he'll still need to feel like there's a "you" and a "him" and not just "us" all the time. Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder! He wants you to do things without him and vice versa so you can have something to talk about when you see each other. There's a balance that CAN be achieved. It takes a while.