Stalking is causing him to leave. HELP!
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| Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:23pm |
Hello Everyone,
I really need help on this one. I've been with my children father for about tens years now. Actually, right now, we are broken up. But, lately within the last few years, I have been snooping around just to see what I can catch him into(stalking). I feel very insecure because he have cheating numerous of times in the past and it has been a problem for us. Now that he's changed. I can't stop showing up at his home and calling him repeatly. One minute we are doing fine and as soon as I call him and he doesn't answer I go directly to his home. Is there any help I can get to stop stalking this man? Any advice will help. He says he loves me but I will have to stop the stalking. He says is I would just be cool everything will be okay. I love him and don't him to be with anyone else but I can't help but to pop up at his home if he doesn't answer the phone or call me back. What shall I do, I'm young have four beautiful children and someone who cares about me, but I'm pushing him away.
Right now he's at the point that he doesn't want anything to do with. He says he doesn't want me and that hurts bad. Not sure if he saying out of anger but he sounds very serious.
What can I say to convince him I will not do it again and where can I get the help if I need any?
Thank you

Welcome to the board tirene2,
::What can I say to convince him I will not do it again and where can I get the help if I need any?
You convince him by just stop doing it. You consider counseling for some much needed help.
Reading material:
If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy
'I go directly to his home. '
Why are you two not married?
tirene,
The best thing you can do right now is to take responsibility for your own actions. You have admitted it here, in public, that you realize you have a problem - that is a great start. But no one here can tell you how to stop stalking your boyfriend. Getting rid of bad behavior is not a matter of tips and tricks and medication. It's a matter of having enough willpower and determination to PREVENT yourself from making mistakes. The truth is that you have enough strength to keep yourself from spying on him, you're just not using it. I hate to make it sound so simple, but the way to stop stalking him is to just NOT stalk him. Think before you do it. Think long and hard about what you're going to get out of it versus how it's going to make you and him feel. If you want to quit smoking you can't allow yourself "just one more cigarette," quitting doesn't work that way. Take control over your own actions.
It's going to take time to regain his trust, but there's nothing you can say to convince him to trust you. That's because trust is a completely nonverbal agreement based entirely on how he has known you to act in the past. You need to prove it with CONSISTENT BEHAVIOR. If you start acting like a trusting person TODAY, keep it up. Don't let yourself fall backward. It will take time but he will regain his confidence in you.
I understand that he has cheated on you in the past but you seem dedicated to making this relationship work regardless, so my advice here has been based on that. Before you start to change yourself you should really take a good, honest look at your situation and ask yourself if a) you really can start trusting him again and b) you really WANT to start trusting him again.