Starting over with the same guy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Starting over with the same guy!
5
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 7:28pm

Here's the gist, we dated, broke up and now we're back together and we've agreed to take things slow.

I need some tips on what to expect during this new beginning, and what not to expect from him. It's difficult because we dated for 3 years but I know I need to treat him like a new person. What sort of things should I keep in mind in the first little while as we build ourselves back up? Also, what conversations should be left out of the picture and what things should I focus on doing for him?

Thanks a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 5:48am

Hi Thepath


This probably won't help much, but the fact that you need to plan this so heavily makes me think that you're not a match made in heaven.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 9:42am

Well, he hasn't changed in a giant way that I have to treat him as new person, but I was told to try and see him that way. I guess I was wrong in that.

The thing is, well, it has come naturally. Things are going great, we live and hour apart, so I haven't seen him since we got back together but we've talked everyday and had great conversations and everything is actually the way I wanted. I was just looking for some things to keep in mind while starting up again. Another thing is that even though my post sounded like I was planning a whole lot, I have no doubt in my mind that he could he the guy I marry. Not only him, but we, are worth it and we both learned from our break up.

I worry to no tomorrow, and create scenarios in my head which are never positive. I've been working on this, but it's been happening a little as we've been back together, and I just wanted to rest my worries by having positive things to focus on and having things to keep in mind. This doesn't mean we're any less made for each other, but I'm just a worry wort.

I guess you're right. I should just go with the flow, which is, right now, a wonderful flow. I should just be myself, and I always planned on doing that, I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on certain things to keep in mind when you're back in a relationship with your ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 11:34am

You're not wrong just because one person had a dissenting opinion from what you thought.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 11:41am

Focus on being simple, light, honest with him and yourself Communicate easily and openly about things as they come up. Dont hold onto resentment. Don't put pressure on him or the relationship or keep examining it or trying to figure out what will be. Go with the flow for now. Work on accepting him as he is and accepting yourself as well. Make friends, that's most important of all. Just become a good friend to him, and let him become a friend to you as well. Then see what happens.


Enjoy,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 4:28pm

Great advice, as usual Sandra!

That thread on "Improving a Relationship Without Talking" could have not been given to me at a better time! I'll look into those other resources! And yes, I perfectly understand what you mean about looking at the relationship with fresh eyes.

Thanks again for all the advice, and the resources. I think I'll be okay from here on in. I'll try to stay away from the boards and just do this thang!